Leave only footprints, take only photographs

Carping and grousing about the neighborhood bully

2012-02-04T05:38:00.002-07:00

I'VE ALREADY MENTIONED IN HERE HOW FRUSTRATED I'VE become with Google, some of whose services I've used happily for four years.

Those include this blog site, as well as Picasa, where more than 2,000 of my photos reside, G-Mail (which I never use), browser Chrome and the remarkably successful search engine Google. Equally remarkable is the fact that these services are all free, in a monetary sense.

But everyone knows there's no such thing as a free lunch and users of Google's utilities are finding out now that the internet's 500-pound gorilla is thumping its chest. Changes are coming, and many people, including me, see some of these as unwelcome.

For starters, Google is coercing Picasa users to upgrade to Google +, which the company hopes will become a major competitor to Facebook. Those who don't want to start relegating people to 'circles', including me, can no longer interact with friends they've made who've already upgraded. You may have seen Google +'s ads: Your co-workers scramble over and jump into one circle; your ex-girlfriends happily hop into another; and on and on.

March 1, Google is going to integrate everything it's got on a user into one mega-profile so it can, among other things, tailor advertising to suit the user. This is already happening, by the way. I was researching a software package a few weeks ago and now that product's ad pops up when I use Google search.

Some people say that if you have nothing to hide, why worry about what personal information Google, Amazon, Facebook and Twitter have on you? But that misses the point. Before the internet, a person's privacy was assured. Today privacy has virtually vanished and who knows what the gleaners and grubbers of all that personal information will do with it? What will it be like in ten years? It's not hard to guess, and it won't be for good.

The information above, right, was 'snipped' from Google. If you want to cancel one of our services, they say, you have to cancel them all. Classy. <<If you don't play by our rules, we're taking the ball, along with the park and the stadium, and going home.>>

There's a lot more to all this but I'm too ticked off to write any more at the moment, and besides, any longer and it will turn into an eye-glazer. I will say, though, that I no longer use Google's search engine, have gone back to browser Firefox and am actively researching pay sites for my blogs, if I decide to keep writing, and for my photographs. To be sure, millions of Google services users could care less about the coming changes, and would think I'm a hyper-over-reacting nutbar, but anyone reading any of my 890 blogs in here already know that.

--BAS

F-35's first night flight. A kick-ass fighter with some kick-ass music

2012-02-03T13:40:00.000-07:00

LOCKHEED MARTIN'S SENIOR TEST PILOT JUST COMPLETED a night test flight of the world's first 5th generation fighter plane, and as this video DLed from YouTube shows, very successfully. The planes will cost around one million apiece once production starts and the United States wants to order 2,400.

A massive cost over-run has stuck in the fuel line of many people, including some prominent law-makers, but it's a certainty that the purchase will go ahead although perhaps with somewhat fewer numbers. No luck on IDing the band in this video yet, but we're working on it. Sounds like Nightwish, but we'll track it down.

--BAS

Photo honored at web site Renderosity

2012-01-31T12:10:00.001-07:00

From Harassing Harris's Hawks

A PHOTO OF A JUVENILE HARRIS'S HAWK I SNAPPED less than a mile from the front door was chosen one of the Best of Last Week at an art and photography site of which I am a member.

Renderosity selects 30 photos from among the hundreds uploaded each week for what it terms "a second look." Here is the link to Last Week in the Gallery.

http://www.renderosity.com/mod/forumpro/showthread.php?thread_id=2843642

--BAS

Could our rusted and tired prose but rise to the top of the foam

2012-01-31T03:53:00.000-07:00

I WAS DOING SOME RESEARCH FOR A FRIEND TODAY on Kemper College in St. Louis, Mo., founded in 1840 and closed four years later due to financial problems. I came across this dedication speech by the man who founded the college. It points out yet again how eloquently our forbears spoke and wrote.

"Our motto must be – peace, and to our posts … the wind of persecution may howl a hurricane, and the lightning of malice may fall upon us, but if our good ship be tight and free, our gallant mast may be bent but not broken. And like the proud eagle soaring aloft, she will ride the billow to its top of foam, and glory in the strength that overcomes the storm."

Wow. These were the the noble words of Joseph McDowell, a professor of surgery who presided at the cornerstone-laying and remained as head of Kemper College, which after its closing morphed into another medical institution.

--BAS

Something's got to be done to eliminate concussions in sports

2012-01-27T06:04:00.002-07:00

JUST WONDERING. HAS ANYBODY CONSIDERED INFLATABLE 'AIR BAGS' inside hockey or football helmets to reduce the growing incidence of concussions in professional sports?

There's no doubt the technology exists to do so. Like, helmets with air bladders pumped full to keep them in place after the athletes put them on and additional bladders which would inflate instantly with sharp impact. Compressed air to inflate the protective layer(s) in a shell on the exterior of the helmet.

How about a 'crushable' outer shell of three layers to absorb some of the initial shock? The athletes would probably find the new-age helmets too heavy and too cumbersome, but something has to be done.

Athletes today are bigger, faster and stronger and yet the arenas in which they compete are the original size. Obviously, players' impacts are much more savage.

There are dozens of athletes right now whose careers are in jeopardy because of concussions (MVPs Sidney Crosby and Justin Morneau, to name two) and the number of incidents is rising precipitously.

--BAS

Double double doublespeak

2012-01-26T04:32:00.000-07:00

MITT ROMNEY ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL: "I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love."

Amerigo Vespucchi, a member of the Hall Of Retired Explorers, must be busting a gut laughing. Leif Erickson, the Viking who actually landed in Newfoundland and explored the Americas coast along what is now Canada about 450 years before either Vespucchi or Columbus, no doubt isn't amused.

One wonders what the Americas would have been called had Leif got lucky and had his names adopted. His earlier choices, Vinland (Greenland) for an island which is 95% ice, and Iceland for an island which is 90% green, gives us a clue: North American would have been called Southland and South America, Northland.

--BAS

What's in a name? Let your imagination take flight.

2012-01-25T04:12:00.001-07:00

I'D NEVER HEARD THE TERM 'MURMURATION' APPLIED TO A FLOCK OF STARLINGS until I watched the breath-taking video (two posts below) which has gone viral on the Internet. Who came up with that collective noun in the first place, we wondered?

Photo from Wikipedia Commons

Here's what Oxford says: "Late Middle English: from French, from Latin murmuratio(n-), from murmurare 'to murmur'. The usage as a collective noun dates from the late 15th century." Looking up the word via Google brought hundreds of links (maybe more as I gave up the search after a bit) to the actual video.

So what are some other collective nouns which describe birds? Wikipedia knows! I've cherry-picked a few from an extensive list:

A peep of chickens; a herd of cranes; a murder of crows; a trip of dotterel; a badling (or raft) of ducks; a charm of goldfinches; a rasp of guinea fowl; a train of jackdaw; an exaltation of larks; tidings of magpies; a pandemonium of parrots; a drift of quail; an unkindness of ravens; a fall of woodcocks.

To which list we at Leave Only Footprints suggest a collective for turkeys: A platter of butterballs.

--BAS

Photo of Hildebrandt's starling from Wikipedia. Now THESE gorgeous birds would be welcome at your bird feeder, unlike their pesky European starling cousins which were introduced in North America in the 1800s.

Same old 'old news' is killing newspapers

2012-01-24T05:30:00.000-07:00

MANY (MOST?) NEWSPAPERS ARE ON THE ENDANGERED LIST and some have already gone extinct, having been clubbed to death by TV, Radio and the Internet. And they went extinct for a good reason. Most newspapers are terminally boring.

As we often do on slow "news" days, this morning we scanned the online versions of papers in New Zealand, Australia, Moldova, the Solomon Islands and Guatemala, among others, and came away disgusted, but not surprised. Most newspapers still don't get it.

Every one we scanned today followed the same trite formula for its front page: Budgets being slashed; politicians caught with their flies (not fishing) down; the U.S. election campaign--yes, even in Moldova; controversy over this and that, this and that usually of the most trivial nature.

Who really cares that a cash shortfall might mean layoffs at the Solomon Islands' version of the Chamber of Commerce? Who really cares that the potholes on the main drag in Edinburgh are growing in size? Who really cares if the town treasurer slipped out the back window with a satchel of loot? Hell, the same things happened just last year, and the year before that. And were on the front page then, too.

It goes without saying that newspapers can't compete with the electronic media and the Internet for immediacy. But they can clobber TV and Radio with in-depth reporting, their strong suit. And with enterprise reporting. If I were running a newsroom today, I'd move the various editors around to other departments for a day on a regular basis. And I'd invite reporters to the editors' daily meetings and kick the editors out of the office once in a while to see what's really going on in town.

I'd make sure every pronouncement out of City Hall or the Prime Minister's office ended up on the back page, just above the large ad for estate sales. And I'd invite the senior class from the nearby journalism school to run the paper for a day. Fresh ideas and young faces might just stop the printers' ink bleeding. "Same old, same old" will certainly lead to a R.I.P.-tide.

--BAS

Take a look at this vid. It's neat.

2012-01-23T07:30:00.001-07:00

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

We don't publish the juicy parts, but here's a web site that does

2012-01-21T08:13:00.001-07:00

NOT TO PILE ON CAPT. COURAGEOUS, BUT more rumors and innuendo have hit the fan about his activities before the huge cruise ship grounded and overturned.

Under the headline 'Skipper's Sexy Siren', the New York Post hints the captain might not have had his mind firmly fixed on the navigation charts before the tragedy. Leave Only Footprints has a strict policy which prohibits publishing rumors and innuendo, but no such rule for linking to a site which doesn't.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/international/skipper_sexy_siren_CKhBEeYRmIcF1IficHFw4I?CMP=OTC-rss&FEEDNAME=

--BAS

Who was the wiseass who said computers would make things easier?

2012-01-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

1. A PRINTER THAT DOESN'T PRINT; 2. A BLU RAY burner that stops burning; 3. an expensive software upgrade that screws up the computer; 4. newspapers that won't accept obituary notices online; 5. a seriously complicated (and expensive) game that comes with no manual.

Just two more days of frustration at the Leave Only Footprints 'Computer Sciences Lab and Internet Research Facility'.

1. The HP Photosmart printer still does photos but no longer prints directly on DVDs with printable surfaces, which is the reason I bought the D7560 in the first place.

2. The Blu Ray burner burns Blu Ray disks, but no longer burns regular DVDs as advertised, and which it did for a few days after it was purchased.

3. OnOne Photo Suite v5.5 worked so well that upgrading to v6.0.1 (at half the regular price) seemed like a no-brainer. Details of the nightmare which followed would fill a CD. OnOne did refund my money but the old v5.5 only partially works despite hours banging my head on the desk.

4. We are in the 21st century, right? Apparently some newspapers are still working under 1960s rules. The only two papers selected to run an obituary and photo require filling out "forms", which they're happy to mail you.

5. ANNO 2070 is a world building computer game that's so complicated even 10-year-olds would have trouble figuring it out. And why would anyone want a manual? Other than a 35-page PDF file which doesn't begin to scratch the surface, the company doesn't even offer a manual people MIGHT WANT TO BUY.

Bah, humbug.

--BAS

Captain performing a 'bow' to legendary mariner when the ship grounded

2012-01-17T04:15:00.000-07:00

THE SKIN-AND-BONES COVERAGE OF THE CRUISE SHIP SINKING LEAVES one wondering what went wrong? ("Two more bodies found..." "Cruise lines blames captain..." "Company stocks sink...") tell us nothing about the central elements of the tragedy.

What the hell really happened off the coast of the tiny Italian town called Giglio? Well, it took no more than two minutes scanning an Italian newspaper to find out. Here's a remarkable account in Corriere Della Sera's English language edition which has some sobering answers.

Captain Schettino --Getty Photo

"The captain’s unforgivable irresponsibility, as Grosseto’s chief prosecutor Francesco Varusio called it, was a tribute to Mario Palombo, a legend among Costa Crociere’s commanders, and a favour to the only Giglio native on board, chief steward Antonello Tievoli. “I never thought I’d be landing at home”, he told the fellow islanders who provided assistance on shore (after the shipwreck). There are good people who become the unwitting victims of other people’s stupidity. Tievoli is the son of Giglio’s old hairdresser. A former restaurateur and manager of a campsite, he went to sea twelve years ago. On Friday, Captain Schettino and his attendants summoned him to the bridge. “Antonello, come and see. We’re right on top of Giglio”, they told him. Perhaps it was a friendly leg-pull since Tievoli was supposed to disembark the week before. However, his replacement failed to show and he had to remain on board. Tievoli duly went and looked. He has no duties in the engine room or on deck but he does have two good eyes. “Watch out. We’re very close to shore”. But it was too late.

"Today, the chief steward from Giglio has shut himself up at home – he lives a long way from Giglio – and those who have spoken to him say he's torn by guilt over an unsolicited tribute that has turned him into an unwilling protagonist in one of Italy’s worst maritime disasters. Tievoli has been interviewed by coastguard officers on behalf of the prosecutors in charge of the inquiry and will have to repeat his version to the Carabinieri. It is a fate, and an anger, that he must share with Mario Palombo, the man whom every Giglio-born seaman with Costa Crociere looked up to. Sailors call sailing past a place for the benefit of a crew member a 'bow'."

Now, to find out if the ship is close to sliding off the ledge and disappearing out of sight. How do they plan to salvage it? WHO IS this captain guy? Will colossal blunders henceforth be called schettinos?

--BAS

Today's journalists could almost cover a story sitting in front of a TV

2012-01-14T05:16:00.000-07:00

PHOTOS OF A GARGANTUAN CRUISE SHIP AGROUND and on its side off the coast of Italy stirred the newsman adrenalin in me early this morning. In another life, every staff reporter and photographer would be on or over a blockbuster story like that gathering pieces of the tragedy to be assembled on the newspapers's first four or five pages, and damn quick too...deadline is in two hours.

The Costa Concordia on its side after grounding. --AP photo

Today the news-gathering process is eminently easier what with wireless laptops and cell phones and satellite uplinks. Back in the day, though, reporters' resourcefulness was vital in getting their stories (and photographers' films) back to the newsroom.

In one case, a staff photographer was allowed into a medium security prison in Kingston, Ontario, to photograph an inter-prison softball game. He recognized a young prisoner playing third base who had been in the news for months a few years prior and snapped a few photos. Later one of the authorities noticed the photographer taking a lot of pictures with the lens pointed toward third base and confiscated his film. But he didn't get the first film, which Cliff had stuffed in his boot.

Another time, during a riot in a maximum security prison, one of our photographers used his climbing spikes to ascend a huge tree across the street from the prison and shot the first photos of the riot from his perch above the 20-foot-high wall. He also had taken a long rope to haul up the cameras from other photographers and took identical shots, but on THEIR films. The gesture was much appreciated.

Today CNN will likely have helicopters above the doomed cruise liner and a host of spokesmen and analysts looking at every conceivable aspect of the sinking, which is what the television medium excels at. But the story broke first on the internet, likely by an Italian print journalist.

--BAS

How to fill up a Kindle with one book

2012-01-12T05:43:00.000-07:00

A charge of massive fraud against a researcher at the University of Connecticut who claimed there were substantial health benefits to drinking red wine has caused the ship to hit the sand. Here's the nub of it.

"The investigation of Dr. Das’s work began in January 2009, two weeks after the university received an anonymous allegation about research irregularities in his laboratory. A special review board headed by Dr. Kent Morest of the University of Connecticut has now produced a 60,000-page report, which has been forwarded to the Office of Research Integrity, a federal agency that investigates fraud by researchers who receive government grants."

Who in all of creation could read (or even lift) this mega-document? By way of comparison, the Warren Commission Report on the assassination of President Kennedy was 888 pages in length.

--BAS

Has the dormant Cold War morphed into a Vacuum War?

2012-01-11T02:49:00.000-07:00

WHAT TO MAKE OF THIS? AN ARTICLE IN today's New York Times suggests some high-ranking Russians are claiming the United States may have had a hand in the failure of a science satellite launched last year and which is about to fall out of obit and crash to Earth in the next few days.

According to NYT reporter Andrew Cramer, "a retired commander of Russia's missile warning system had speculated in November that strong radar signals from installations in Alaska might have damaged the spacecraft." According to Cramer, another Russian, director of the Russian space agency Vladimir Popovkin, said originally that a faulty navigational component might be to blame for the failed launch. Now Popovkin suggests outside forces might have had a hand in the flawed launch. “We don’t want to accuse anybody, but there are very powerful devices that can influence spacecraft now,” Popovkin said in an interview. “The possibility they were used cannot be ruled out.”

The NYT article says Mr. Popovkin did not directly implicate the United States. But he said “the frequent failure of our space launches, which occur at a time when they are flying over the part of Earth not visible from Russia, where we do not see the spacecraft and do not receive telemetric information, are not clear to us,” an apparent reference to the Americas.

The mission was to send a scientific payload to Mars, where a satellite would circle the planet's moon Phobos, land to pick up soil samples and then return to Earth. There doesn't seem to be an obvious reason why anyone would want to interfere with this mission and in fact the U.S. and USSR have been cooperating for some time on space ventures.

In a somewhat related story, the United States is asking nations planning to land on the Moon in the coming decades to keep their astronauts at least 75 yards from the Apollo 11 and 17 lunar landers, claiming that the sites are of immense historical significance. A similar request was made in the years after the sinking of the Titanic, but after the doomed super liner was located, a lot of artifacts have been picked up and can be purchased if one is so inclined and has the money. Which makes one wonder what the golf ball would be worth that Astronaut Alan Sheppard hit (almost falling down in doing so) while walking on the Moon? Since it supposedly travelled 2,400 feet, it would be well outside the "historically significant" zone.

--BAS

Apropos Of Nothing Department: A factoid I came across (and found hard to believe) that Apollo 13 was launched at 12:13 (13:13 CST) and the accident which doomed the mission happened on April 13 is true.

My life didn't flash before my eyes...we were going too fast for that

2012-01-07T04:57:00.000-07:00

MY FIRST ROOMMATE WAS ONE OF THE STRANGEST DUDES I ever met and the first of several roomies who didn't enjoy my "coming of age" celebrations as much as I and quickly bailed out. Nonetheless I learned a lot from the guy everybody called "Jazzbo", not the least of which was an early appreciation for jazz.

His girlfriend Helen was an odd but pretty, willowy wisp who once confided that Jazzbo "likes girls with big cans", a structural feature in which she had major shortcomings.

My first job at age 19 was reporting for a highly-regarded newspaper and a man of my new stature needed a car. So I ponyed up $500 for a '55 Pontiac which I shared with a huge stuffed tiger's head, propped up in the passenger's seat so it could see out the window. I also held the receiver of a black rotary dial telephone to my ear when in stop-and-go traffic to underscore my importance.

Jazzbo also bought a car while we shared quarters although I can no longer recall the make. It was a European sports car build right on the ground and featured a long, rounded nacelle which housed an ominous dirty, black and smelly engine. It was Jazz's first car and he had absolutely no idea how to tame the beast. That became abundantly clear the night he was screaming down the 401, the only four-lane highway anywhere near town, well in excess of the speed limit and probably somewhat under the influence.

I was cowering in the passenger seat, my butt inches above the asphalt and my senses overwhelmed by partially burned hydrocarbons, thunderous noise and vertigo, and it got much worse when Jazz lost control of the car and skidded into the grassy median. Miraculously after the momentum bled off in a series of thumps and lurches, the car came to a rest facing the right way and with no visible damage.

Jazzbo sold the car a few weeks later and as far as I know, never owned another. He eventually married Helen and when I visited the couple some years later in Toronto they lived in a house within 50 yards of a bus stop.

In addition to the memories, I have to thank him for introducing me to Meade Lux Lewis, Dizzy Gillespie, Ornette Coleman and Billie Holliday among others. I've also long-since forgiven him for sticking an entire drawer-full of forks and knives in an old painting my grandmother had given me. To be honest, I really didn't like it anyway.

--BAS

2012-01-05T05:33:00.001-07:00

FINALLY GETTING AROUND TO MAKING A SLIDE SHOW of a recent trip to Valley of Fire near Las Vegas. Click on the photo and when the slides appear, click on the first slide and look at the top, right, for the slide show option. Enjoy!

--BAS

This may sound a little far-fetched, but lend me an ear

2011-12-31T03:48:00.001-07:00

FRED ROSS ALWAYS HAD A HAT-FULL OF FUNNY STORIES from his days at the Toronto Star and I recall one which is germane to today.

Fred worked with a legendary Yugoslavian photographer named Boris whose photography was superb but his English no so.... According to Fred, Boris had a habit of wishing, from time to time, his colleagues a "Happy New Year", even if it was July or October. Just a quirk, maybe, or perhaps he thought it was funny.

Boris met another Star staffer one time on Dec. 31 and by coincidence wished his friend a Happy New Year on the day it was OK to do so. Except in his broken English it sounded like "Happen You Ear?" The guy, who had only one ear, candidly replied: "Oh, a horse bit it off."

--BAS

"We are all prisoners here, of our own device"

2011-12-31T02:48:00.000-07:00

AS I MENTIONED IN HERE BEFORE, I FOOLISHLY SIGNED up for Facebook a long time ago when I was younger and more foolish than I am now. I didn't bother to read the fine print (who did back then?) but soon came to regret getting involved.

Although it took some doing, I found out how to permanently delete my account. But, like Hotel California, "you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave". The fine print I didn't bother to read says even if you permanently delete your account, the information you were dumb enough to put in your profile can and will be used by Facebook as the company sees fit.

Yesterday I was talking to someone I know who was sure her Facebook account had been hacked. So, to today. I get an email from Facebook saying my account has been reactivated. Swell. Bloody swell. After much thrashing, as well as numerous password changes, up popped my old but recently reactivated account with a long column of photos of people I know and many I don't wanting to be my friend.

Those who know me are already my friends (well, most of them are) and I DON'T NEED ANY MORE. I permanently deleted the regrettable account for the second time. I'm sure Mark Zuckerberg had just been informed that my old account had been reactivated when another note was slipped to him telling him I deleted it AGAIN.

I stabbed it with my steely knife, but I just can't kill the beast.

--BAS

BTW, although I was dumb to join Facebook, I used a fictitious name and have no personal information in the associated profile. Also, title of this blog and italicized lyrics are from "Hotel California" by the Eagles. What a great fit, too.

Limericks R Us

2011-12-29T05:16:00.000-07:00

There once was a nutcase named Baer
Who had a sex change on a dare.
But the surgeon got tired
and then he got fired
And now Baer's both Sonny and Cher.

There was a young lady named Bright
whose speed was much faster than light.
She went out one day
in a relative way
and came back on the previous night.

--BAS

Note...first one is mine; the other is famous and much viewed by physicists.

A guy who has too much time on his hands, and makes it pay

2011-12-28T08:44:00.002-07:00

SPEAKING OF BARCODES, AS WE WERE IN THE PIECE IMMEDIATELY below this one, a laser-eyed Leave Only Footprints groupie emailed the following note: "Your BC blog didn't even scratch the surface. Google barcode art and see what's really going on. Consider yourself pwned."

I did and he's right!!! Wow. First thing I came across was the website of a guy named Scott Blake who created a huge portrait of Elvis (among others) using only the barcodes from his CDs. What's even neater is, using a scanner, reading one of the barcodes plays an Elvis song from the relevant CD. The barcode Elvis portrait now hangs in Ripley's Believe It Or Not in San Fran. (The link to see the video is below, but you'll have to wait...you aren't getting away from here that easily!!!)

Scott explains another piece he put together:

"I created a portrait of Gary Vaynerchuk using the barcodes from bottles of wine he drank on his video blog (Wine Library TV.) I skewed the barcodes to accentuate his smile and out going personality, as well as to reference the curved shape of a wine bottle. Scan a barcode and the interface plays a video clip of Gary reviewing the wine where that barcode comes from."

There's also lots of neat individual barcodes, if anyone is interested, on the internet, two of which I included here. Anyway, that's enough about barcodes for now. You're on your pwn.

The link to the Elvis video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHQaJXi-rYY

The link to the Vaynerchuk video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RwC1D0TKXg

--BAS

Note: For those who haven't yet been "pwned", it's what hunt-and-peck computer typists mistakenly type when they mean "owned". And it will be in the dictionary before you know it, since the computer literati now use the term pwned rather than owned to prove they're 'with it'. :-)

Amaze and bore your friends: Read bar codes at the next party you attend.

2011-12-27T03:51:00.000-07:00

EVERYTHING HAS A BAR CODE THESE DAYS, AND IT WON'T BE long before humans do too. But did you ever wonder what those lines and spaces mean?

Numeric Code 39 Bar Code

We're about to tell you. One of the oldest and most common bar codes is known as Numeric Code 39 (or Code 3 of 9) which is just binary code. Here's all you need to know to read it. A thin black line is a 0; a thick black line is a 1; a thin white space is a separator and a wide white space is a dash. Oh, you might also need a magnifying glass.

Each 39 bar code begins and ends with markers to tell a scanner if the code is right side up or upside down.

The number 0 is represented by: thin line, separator, thin line, wide space, thick line, separator, thick line, separator, thin line, which produces 00-110.

Here are all the numbers:

0=00-110
1=10-001
2=01-001
3=11-000
4=00-101
5=10-100
6=01-100
7=00-011
8=10-010
9=01-010

Matrix QR bar code

Most of the newest cell phones can read bar codes, including the widely-used UPC codes and the newest matrix type QR codes which are those square boxes full of square "crumbs" (photo at right). If you scan one of these with your cell phone, you'll get a lot of information including URLs to web sites.

There are even companies which will create your own personalized bar code. Those disconcerted by how much Facebook knows about them will be really ticked off when mandatory bar codes on their foreheads are in place.

--BAS

SPOILER: Anyone brave enough to tackle the 39 code at the top on your computer monitor will find it's 8675309, with the first five lines and five spaces representing the opening marker. Ditto for the last marker. To figure it out, I downloaded that code, enlarged it and printed it out to make it easier to read.

All we want for Christmas is three wise men

2011-12-24T04:15:00.000-07:00

<b>THE LEAVE ONLY FOOTPRINTS STAFF HAS SCATTERED TO THE WINDS to celebrate Christmas with their families, leaving the interns to cobble together a column for today. And what better way than to borrow some quotes which are all better than anything we could ever dream up?--The Interns.

"Let's all be naughty and save Santa the trip."--Gary Allan.

"Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors."--Stephen Wright.

"One thing nice about Christmas is you can make people forget about the past with a present."--Author unknown.

"Christmas itselt may be called into question. If carried too far it creates indigestion."--Ralph Burgengren.

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries with a note on it saying toys not included."--Bernard Manning.

"About all you can do is dream about a white Christmas, for it seems like it leaves most of us in the red."--Author unknown.

"I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month."--Harlan Miller.

"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'--Dave Barry.

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."--Kin Hubbard.

"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."--Jay Leno.

"Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish."--Benny Hill.

Toss a few wee drams and toast the day. --BAS

You will be missed, Kim, but for all the wrong reasons

2011-12-21T02:44:00.000-07:00

FACTS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT THE THE LATE LAMENTED LOOPY LEADER KIM JONG-IL, head Munchkin in North Korea, Land of the Little People.

Kim played golf only once. He reportedly shot a 38-under-par 34, including 11 holes-in-one. That would mean he fired an equally remarkable 23 on the 7 holes he didn't ace. His memorable round was witnessed by 17 security guards and reported by the state news agency.

Kim had a South Korean film producer and his actress wife kidnapped to "revitalize" the north's film industry. While held captive, the two "guests" cranked out seven movies.

The dictator loved Bordeaux, Burgandy and especially the famous cognac Hennessy, of which he reportedly purchased $800,000 worth every year.

According to his biography, the Kim-Meister composed six operas and enjoyed staging musicals.

His same biography claims Kim was born in a log cabin on top of North Korea's highest mountain. The event was hearlded by a double rainbow and a bright star in the sky.

His signature song was "No Motherland Without You". Select lyrics include "We cannot exist without you, Comrade Kim Jong-il." Citizens of Pyongyang got to know the words by heart as Kim had the song blaring from loudspeakers.

The North American Hallowe'en costume industry made a fortune selling Lim Jong-il adult costumes which included a genuine grey jacket, high quality latex sculpted mask and real machete.

The Dear Leader claimed he wrote 1,500 books in three years, although Gulliver's Travels was not one of them.

With the passing of ol' Kim, the writers for Leno, Letterman, Kilborn, O'Brien et al are going to have to get off their duffs and find some new material.

--BAS

(Thanks for the idea, Peter).

Caffine addiction: Are there grounds for a revolt?

2011-12-20T07:49:00.004-07:00

THERE'S A BULLY IN THE HOUSE, AND IT needs attention. NOW. Five beeps means the new Cuisinart coffee maker has finished brewing another pot. (Maybe.) As I was writing the previous sentence, ominous knocks began to emanate from the sinister, gleaming aluminum ediface in which coffee grounds are converted into lifeblood. (Or not.) Better check it out.

Back. Wiggling the coffee pot, still housed in its cradle, stopped the crunking sound but I didn't dare open the reactor lid in case a core meltdown was in progress. The Big C could be demanding a new water filter. Maybe it wants one of the myrad of impossibly hard to see settings by which the process is controlled, tweaked. Did I use too much water or too little coffee?

I'm sure pilots flying one of the new F-35s have a checklist strapped to their wrists so they miss no steps in taking off. Cuisinart doesn't provide one for its DCC1200 but really should.

Closely following the instructions a couple of nights ago to brew up a pot while we were sleeping produced nothing. After manually firing up the machine, it gurgled contentedly through its cycle. It sounded like the infernal strong-boss was chuckling.

The machine stands so high on the counter that, with a dim light on at three ayem, one can't tell if the coffee grounds basket's in place or not. When the basket IS in place, which one would ASS U ME it should be, super-heated water washes through five scoops of recently ground coffee and into the pot below. When the basket's on the counter over yonder, drying from a recent bath, the coffee grounds are sluiced right through, clogging up the entry port into the carafe below and spilling all over the place in a monumental tsunami.

The Cuisinart's a newcomer to the kitchen and maybe I'll warm up to it. But life was much simpler back in the days when you dropped a quarter into a machine and your coffee, such as it was, was served up in a classy, waxy cardboard cup.

--BAS

A threat to McDonalds it's not, but Five Guys is one frantic place to eat

2011-12-13T05:30:00.003-07:00

OUR FRIEND MARSHA WAS TELLING US ABOUT A NEW hamburger outlet called Five Guys soon to open nearby. The next day we happened upon that very place, already open and packed to the rafters with customers.

To call it a fast-food hamburg joint would be misleading because each burger and dog is prepared from scratch right before your eyes and although there were 12 people grilling and prepping orders, the wait was 15 minutes. We watched in amazement at how organized the process is, although the loud rock music and milling customers (most homing in on the huge box of free shelling peanuts) lent the appearance of chaos. The young employees who make it all happen work their buns off, so to speak, and seem to enjoy their work.

The burgers were superb, the Cajun fries were too spicy to finish and the price was steep, but we'll go back another time, although NOT at lunch or dinner hour. The Five Guys business model just goes to show people will pay a premium for tasty food.

--BAS

Joy to the world, this Christmas lights bus tour is almost over

2011-12-06T04:55:00.015-07:00

CIRCUMSTANCES COMPLETELY BEYOND MY CONTROL LAST NIGHT brought me face to face with the lyrics to, among other hymns, 'Joy To The World'. I've heard that traditional Christmas carol hundreds of times over the years, but never bothered to listen to the words beyond "Joy to the world, the Lord has come."

We were on a packed bus doing a Christmas lights tour (my first and last-ever such tour, BTW) and the promised but dreaded carol singalong burst forth from 56 pairs of lips when the drop-down DVD screens fired up. For those of us who didn't know the words, they helpfully scrolled across the screens (photo, top) over photos of old manger paintings etc etc, as the heavenly refrains blared out. Here are the lyrics, if you don't already know them by heart.

Joy to the world, the Lord is come!

Let earth receive her King;

Let every heart prepare Him room,

And Heaven and nature sing,

And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.

Joy to the world, the Savior reigns!

Let men their songs employ;

While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains

Repeat the sounding joy,

Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,

Nor thorns infest the ground;

He comes to make His blessings flow

Far as the curse is found,

Far as, far as, the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,

And makes the nations prove

The glories of His righteousness,

And wonders of His love,

And wonders, wonders, of His love.

Wow!!! "No more let sins and sorrows grow, nor thorns infest the ground." Here's how another line in the carol sounds: "Re pee eat, re pee eee eat, the sounding joy." Wow!!!

Wikipedia says Joy TTW, based on Psalm 98 in the Bible, was written in 1719 by British hymn-meister Isaac Watts. I get the feeling people actually talked like they wrote back in those days. You can almost hear Isaac, as he ducks under the low stone header and enters his smoke-filled cottage, yelling at his wife: "Dids't thou not pluck the thorns from the Earth's brow this morrow? Forsooth, yon hills will repeat my sounding anger if thou neglecteth thy duty an instant longer."

Away In A Manger has a doozie too:

The cattle are lowing

The poor Baby wakes

But little Lord Jesus

No crying He makes

Wow.

Most irrevelently, I can say a Christmas song (certainly not a hymn and not heard a lot these days) which repeats MY sounding joy is "Santa Got Run Over By A Reindeer."

--BAS

Image: Adoration of the shepherds of newborn Jesus. Details from a 1600s painting by Guido Reni, an Italian painter and etcher of high-Baroque style.ni (1575-1642), an Italian painter, draughtsman and etcher of high-Baroque s

Prepare to be humbled: We're going to cut up 2 to the 100th power sheets of paper.

2011-12-05T09:01:00.014-07:00

HERE'S SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW. AND I CAN GUARANTEE I sure as hell didn't either. This will take the form of a High School science project I came across online to explain the mind-blowing result of 2 to the 100th power. It's produced here in its entirety.

INSTRUCTIONS:

Get a big sheet of paper and a good paper cutter. Cut the sheet in half, and stack the pieces together. Turn the pile 90 degrees, cut it in half again, and stack the cut pieces again. Keep doing this until you've cut and stacked the sheet 100 times. If your cutter is really good, so that it cuts a thick stack of paper as quickly and easily as a single sheet, and it takes ten seconds to make a cut, stack the pieces, and position them for the next cut, then you'll be finished in 16 minutes, 40 seconds.

If the paper is 0.1 millimeter thick (about 0.004 inch), like ordinary medium-weight letter paper, then a stack of 500 pieces would be 50 millimeters (about 2 inches) thick. The question is: How thick will the pile be after you cut and stack the single sheet of paper you started with 100 times?

ANSWER:

Well... before I (the author of this experiment is Jeff Root) can give you the answer, you need some background information.

The length of a city block is something you're probably familiar with. Imagine walking the length of a block. It takes about 3 minutes. Imagine

100 blocks end-to-end. That's the length of a largish city, like Minneapolis, where I live. It would take 20 minutes to drive from one end of the city to the other, if there were no traffic and no red lights to wait for. Walking the distance would take 5 hours.

Light, however, can go from one end of Minneapolis to the other in less than a ten-thousandth of a second. Light is the fastest thing there is. Nothing is faster.

The distance across the United States is about 200 times the length of the city, so walking non-stop, without even a potty break, would take 1000 hours, or almost 42 days. Light crosses that distance in a little more than 1/100th of a second. The country is very big, but light is very, very fast. The distance from Earth to the Moon is almost 100 times the width of the United States. It would take just about 11 years to walk to the Moon. Light goes from Earth to the Moon in less than 1.3 seconds.

Compared to any distance on Earth, the Moon is awfully far away. But light travels the distance in a heartbeat.

Pluto is the most distant known planet (it has since been downsized) in our solar system: more than 15,000 times farther from Earth than the Moon is. This is a far bigger jump in scale than any of the previous increases. It would take 167,000 years to walk to Pluto. Ughh! I think I'll fly! Even light takes 5.5 hours to reach Pluto. At least that is a comfortably familiar period of time. But compared to 1.3 seconds for light to reach the Moon, Pluto is terribly distant.

The star nearest our solar system is Proxima Centauri. It is 4.2 light-years away, which means that its light takes 4.2 years to get here. That is 6,700 times farther than Pluto. Another huge jump in scale -- much larger, for example, than the 200x jump from the width of a city to the width of the United States. You can pretty easily wait the 5.5 hours it takes for light to go from the Sun to Pluto, but waiting the 4.2 years it takes for light to get here from Proxima requires a good deal more patience. Even the very nearest star is incredibly far away.

Stars are scattered thinly throughout most of our galaxy, the Milky Way. Although the star nearest Earth is 4.2 light-years away, the average distance between nearest neighboring stars is about 10 light-years. Since there are at least 300 billion stars in the Milky Way, the galaxy must be unimaginably large. In fact, the visible disk is estimated to be 100,000 light-years in diameter. That is more than 20,000 times the distance to Proxima. The largest jump in scale yet.

You might wait 4.2 years for light to travel to Earth from Proxima Centauri, but 100,000 years is longer, by far, than humans have been growing food crops or building permanent shelters. It is a length of time which cannot be experienced, and probably cannot really be comprehended. It suggests that the distance across the Milky Way is also beyond comprehension.

The nearest large galaxy to ours is the famous Andromeda Galaxy. It is very similar in size and shape to the Milky Way, and is the other major component of the Local Group of galaxies. It is the most distant thing which can be seen by the unaided eye. Light from Andromeda has traveled 3 million light-years to reach us. That is 30 times the diameter of the Milky Way. When starlight from Andromeda that we see now began its journey to Earth, human beings did not yet exist. Our ancestors had not yet learned how to make stone tools.

The most distant galaxy yet seen directly (discovered in 1999) has a redshift of 6.68, indicating that its light was emitted when the Universe was only 5% of its present age. If the Universe is now 13.7 billion years old, the light has traveled 13 billion light-years to reach us. That is 4,300 times the distance to the Andromeda Galaxy. Yet another huge jump in scale. 13 billion years ago, the cloud of dust and gas from which our solar system would form did not yet exist.

The ultimate distance possible is the distance that light could travel since the beginning of the Universe in the Big Bang. All the light from that event was immediately absorbed (and re-emitted, and re-absorbed many times), but 380,000 years later the temperature had fallen enough for hydrogen atoms to form, causing the Universe to become transparent. This allowed light to travel unimpeded. Light from the hot, young Universe reaches us now, greatly red-shifted, as the cosmic microwave background radiation.

The background radiation has traveled nearly 13.7 billion light-years, or 4,600 times the distance to the Andromeda Galaxy. Okay. Now for the answer to the question.

You remember the question:

How thick will the stack of paper be after

cutting it in half and stacking it 100 times?

Each time you cut the stack of paper in two, the number of pieces doubles: 2 x 2 x 2... one hundred times, or two to the 100th power.

Two to the 100th power is 1,267,650,600,228,229,401,496,703,205,376.

In the US number naming system, it is one nonillion, 267 octillion, 650 septillion, 600 sextillion, 228 quintillion, 229 quadrillion, 401 trillion, 496 billion, 703 million, 205 thousand, 376.

With a calculator that shows enough digits, you can get this number simply by multiplying twos together, in less than a minute.

Multiplying by the thickness of the paper in millimeters (0.1 mm) gives the height of the stack in millimeters. Dividing the result by 1000 gives the height of the stack in meters. Dividing that by the number of meters in a light-year (9,460,536,000,000,000) gives the height of the stack in light-years.

Starting with a sheet of paper 0.1 millimeter thick, doubling the thickness one hundred times results in a stack 13.4 billion light-years tall. It would reach from Earth to beyond the most distant galaxy we can see with the most powerful telescopes -- almost to the edge of the observable Universe.

--BAS

(Note: LOF tries to keep blogs to four or five paragraphs, but it seemed that running excerpts from Jeff's blog wouldn't do it justice. And running just a few paragraphs with a link to the page might lose some really busy visitors to our site, so we decided to run the whole thing. Here's Jeff's page for those who want to see more: http://freemars.org/jeff/index.htm )

The Bulldogs couldn't slay the beast and ended up having a Tiger by the tail

2011-12-04T03:11:00.007-07:00

I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING PRO AND COLLEGE FOOTBALL FOR more than 50 years and have never watched a televised game in which one team had 0 first downs in a half.

Yesterday, Louisiana State, the best college team in the U.S., managed that feat while piling up a net 5 yards of offence in the first half against Georgia. Hell, LSU's retired 70-year-old water boy could have done better, you'd think. And if Georgia's bumble-handed receivers hadn't dropped two sure touchdown passes I could have caught, and a guy nick-named Honey Badger hadn't left a half-dozen Bulldogs in his wake while jinking and weaving his way for a late second quarter TD, the score at the half would have been 24-0 Georgia instead of 10-7.

Instead of a humiliating woulda, coulda, shoulda outcome, LSU rallied after the break, hammering the plucky Bulldogs 42-10.

LSU Tigers finished the season 13-0 and is guaranteed a spot in the national championship game. Alabama, which lost to LSU this year, is almost certain to be the other contender. But it would be much more exciting if there were a four or six-team playoff to determine the national college champion and one wonders how much longer the universities will pass up the hundreds of millions a playoff would generate.

--BAS

Wonder if Duracell is working on a really, really big battery to power this sucker

2011-12-01T06:10:00.009-07:00

HERE'S A SOBERING IDEA. SINCE THE HUMAN RACE IS going to be around for a good time, not a long time, we should start thinking about leaving behind a 'tombstone' to let intelligent beings in the Universe know we were here.

The gravestone proposed is a radio beacon which would start broadcasting, upon Civilization's passing, for millions or billions of years. What would the message be?

"We called ourselves Earthlings. May we rest in peace. Sorry about all the empty beer cans."

An intriguing two-part article by Chris Wilson in Slate's online magazine claims vast distances between stars, time scales measured in billions of years and the finite life-spans of civilizations which may have sprung up in our Galaxy mean it's highly unlikely that any two could co-exist. If Earth's astronomers ever pick up transmissions from aliens, it's most likely that civilization has long since died out. Similarly, by the time ET and his friends discover Ed Sullivan or Gunsmoke, Earth may have already been reduced to a smoking cinder when the Sun expands a billion years from now.

At least, says Wilson, our beacon would let other civilizations know we came, we saw but we didn't conquer. And it's beacons such as this, established by advanced alien civilizations, we should really be listening for to determine if there is/was somebody out there.

Wilson also dashes the possibility of ever meeting other space-travelers, although notes that our beacon shouldn't be activated until we're extinct...no sense broadcasting our presence in case we alert a race of vampires to our location.

Here's Wilson's two-parter: http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/green_room/2011/11/seti_and_the_problems_with_searching_for_alien_life_.html

--BAS

Occupy Chinese Junk: A solution to many ills that's too small to fail

2011-11-30T08:49:00.006-07:00

NO DOUBT MOST PEOPLE HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH Occupy _________ (fill in the blank). It says here that Leave Only Footprints fully supports Occupy Wall Street and its hundreds of seedlings sprouting all over the place, but it's time to pack up the tents and start Phase 2. Get some people elected.

The LOF editorial board, though, has one more Occupy...and this one, coming just before the Yule season, might serve as a magnanimous Christmas gift to a lot of people. We'll call this one Occupy Chinese Junk.

If every Christmas shopper took the time to find and buy JUST ONE made-in-North-America gift rather than another poorly-made, one-use item cobbled together in the Orient, it might produce what we call a "tipping point". WalMart is so bloated with offshore crap that its executives might not even notice, but some of the other chains should. And so would those companies which pay higher wages to their North American employees to make products of far superior quality. To put it over-simply, more sales = more jobs = more money in the hands of those who buy.

The corporations and banks have sold us out, and so have the politicians, with whom they walk in lock-step. It will take a long time to change things even if a lot of people take our advice, but the wallet is mightier than the junk. It will require getting off our lazy asses, though, which at the moment are the weak links in the chain.

--BAS

Is the gentleman in the bunker, or is the lucky son of a bitch in the hole?

2011-11-21T08:28:00.004-07:00

THE GOLF BOOK I'M READING CLAIMS THE RECORD FOR one player scoring a hole in one on consecutive days is four. FOUR ! ! ! Now wait a minute....

It's hard to say what the odds are of getting a hole in one, although pros are far more likely to score an ace than an amateur. The book doesn't say if Scott Palmer was a pro, but he was playing the Balboa Park Municipal Course in San Diego when he scored his first hole in one Oct. 9, 1983. (Actually a double eagle on a Par 4, 260-yard hole which apparently is classified as a hole in 1.)

The next day he knocked in a 5-iron shot on the 198-yard 8th, and followed that up with a 150-yard wedge shot on Oct. 11 on Hole 1. His 4th ace came the next day...a 6-iron shot on the 8th (for the second time).

Let's say the odds of getting a hole in one are (I'll arbitrarily pick a number) 500 to 1. Multiplying 500 x 500 x 500 x 500 results in a number that's really long...62,500,000,000. So it would seem the chances of getting four holes in one on consecutive days are 62 billion to one. I could be wrong, but maybe, just maybe, the gentleman golfer added up his score cards incorrectly. If I miss my guess, though, I'll take a mulligan.

--BAS

Scientists continue to sift through the debris of smashed particles looking for god

2011-11-20T03:34:00.006-07:00

WE'VE BEEN INUNDATED WITH PAP AND GRUEL AD NAUSEUM about Dancing With The Stars, the Kardashian clan and kindergarten-level politics for so long that news from the world of particle physics has been kicked off "information island". Here are a few tidbits you may have missed:

.A second experiment has confirmed that photons may indeed travel faster than the speed of light.

.The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) in Geneva has looked in many places and has yet to find any evidence of the Higgs Boson (ironically dubbed The God Particle after a superior being for which no scientific evidence exists).

.The LHC is colliding particles closer and closer to the speed of light and so far no microscopic Black Holes have been observed. There has been no evidence of a theoretical state of particle super-symmetry.

.The LHC is now capable of creating 100 million particle collisions per second.

.Researchers have discovered a disparity in the decay rates of certain particles and their anti-particles, which explains why there is 'matter'* in the Universe. (* including us.)

Some of our gentle readers may well ask: "So what? Would finding the Higgs Boson change even slightly the certainty of death and taxes?" No. Nor would such a discovery ensure the Bengals or Cubs or Leafs a championship. Here's Leave Only Footprints' take: If you don't care where you come from, how will you ever figure out where you're going?

--BAS

Photo: A LHC photo of the collision of two lead ions.

Bad memories: Now I remember why I hung up the clubs three decades ago

2011-11-19T07:54:00.008-07:00

WHEN EVEN THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED GETS too bumpy and curvy for comfort, it's time for some serious humor. And what could be funnier than golf? We need to lighten up a tad here at Leave Only Footprints and look at this game through the eyes of some funny guys. These quotes about originally-named "kolf", meaning to hit or cuff, come from the excellent book called Wit & Wisdom of Golf.

."When they start hitting back, it's time to quit." --Henry Ransom after a tee shot rebounded off a rock and nailed him in the stomach.
."I'm hitting the woods great, but I'm having trouble getting out of them." --Harry Toscano.
."It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." Hank Aaron.
."Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." --Winston Churchill.
."Easy. I missed a 20-footer for a 12." --Arnold Palmer, on how he made a 13 on one hole.
"My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt." --Lord Robertson.
"The way I putted, I must have been reading the greens in Spanish and putting them in English." --Homero Blanco.
."Hey, is this room out of bounds?" --Alex Karras, after hitting a shot through the clubhouse window.
."In golf, I'm one under. One under a tree, one under a rock, one under a bush." --Gerry Cheevers.
."One of the advantages of bowling over golf is you seldom lose a bowling ball." --Don Carter.
."You can talk to a fade, but a hook won't listen." --Lee Trevino.
."I'd give up golf tomorrow if I didn't have so many sweaters." --Bob Hope.

And as if the sport isn't bad enough, some now-rich person invented a backyard game called Frisbee Golf. At least it's a game you can play with your dog.

--BAS

Are you listening, Quebec? What would be the point of separation?

2011-11-02T06:15:00.006-07:00

JEFFREY SIMPSON, A TORONTO GLOBE AND MAIL COLUMNIST, has written the clearest piece I've read on the Euro crisis and Europe's most recent trouble spot--Greece.

Says Simpson: "If there is going to be a monetary union, as with the Euro, and if the union is to last, the member-states have to co-ordinate their fiscal policies. The Europeans, in creating the Euro, could not agree to such co-ordination."

Just like life aboard a ship: some countries spend money like drunken sailors; other countries are more like sensible tars who spend their shore leaves counting their money.

Simpson also says Quebec successionists should look vey closely at the Greek tragedy now unfolding because it has implications for the province.

He writes: "The European problem offers an important, if ignored, lesson for Quebec secessionists – that if an independent Quebec tried to use the Canadian dollar, the new country would have to harmonize its fiscal policy with the bigger partner, Canada. And having yielded up all the power over the currency to the bigger partner, Canada, as well as the power to organize fiscal policy, what would be the point of separation?

"If, conversely, an independent Quebec chose to establish its own currency, chances are its value would drop well below the Canadian dollar, with consequences for interest rates, debt-financing and deficits."

Here's Simpson's column: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/jeffrey-simpson/europes-lesson-for-quebec-secessionists/article2221399/

--BAS

Face reality, losers. You've all been had!!!

2011-11-01T07:14:00.017-07:00

WE HAVE A POLICY AT LEAVE ONLY FOOTPRINTS THAT THE staff can watch whatever they want on the lunchroom television during their breaks EXCEPT Judge Judy, Bill O'Reilly, Nancy Grace and anything on Fox save for professional sports. I added one to the banned list this morning: Kim Kardashian or any of her TV program's spin-offs.

Everyone with a boob tube will recall the monumental fuss over the American "royal wedding" gag-athon ten weeks ago of alchemist Kim, who can turn pap and crap into gold, and a little-known basketball player, who is about to be put through the hoops. I said at the time, and was proven right AGAIN, that it was all a huge made-for-ratings reality hoax. Ms Kim, as everyone now knows, has filed for divorce on the grounds of "irreconcilable differences".

No doubt he'd left the marital toilet seat up, on the grounds he couldn't reach it. Whatever. The savy Kim had gone to great pains to get a bullet-proof pre-nup so that the NBA star will slowly disappear into the distance, bouncing his ball.

Maybe I should just cancel cable and stock the lunchroom with Paladin and The Honeymooners DVDs.

-BAS

There's fair, and then there's FAIR. C.C. is getting screwed at $23 million a year.

2011-10-30T08:59:00.006-07:00

AN ITEM IN A COLUMN TODAY BY ESPN WRITER Andrew Marchand shows how despicable and inconsiderate the New York Yankees brass really is.

Marchand says Yankees' pitcher C.C. Sabathia's seven-year, $161 million contract includes an opt-out clause following the third season. If Sabathia opts out, he will leave behind four years and $92 million on his contract. Sabathia wants to return to the Bronx, but the two sides were trying to formulate a new deal that both sides found fair.

You can see Sabathia's point: What's fair about $92 million to pitch in 35 or 36 ball games a year? That's 140 games over the last four years of his contract, and for a miserable $92 million. That sounds like a lot of money, but when you consider the number of games he'll have to pitch, that amounts to a paltry $620,000 a game.

You da man, C.C. I'd walk for anything less than $50 million a year. And if you can't get it, they're crying for car salesmen.

--BAS

To the victors go the spoils, and the Cardinals sure spoiled a perfectly good evening

2011-10-29T02:34:00.006-07:00

A VERY ENTERTAINING WORLD SERIES HAS PASSED INTO HISTORY, TO BE remembered for many reasons, not the least of which were the tides of good fortune and bad which surged between the Rangers to the Cardinals, and back.

Although the Rangers played gamely last night, their fate was sealed the previous night when they couldn't KO the Cardinals despite having them on the canvas many times.

To this observer, four serious problems with the sport of baseball became magnified by events as they unfolded during the course of seven games.

1. Umpires are missing too many balls-and-strikes calls, sometimes by as much as eight or nine inches. Last night, one terrible call resulted in two undeserved runs in the most important baseball game of the year.

2. The rules already in place to keep the game moving along must be enforced. Last night's game took 3 hours and 17 minutes to play. It could have been over in at least a half hour sooner if they were.

3. Awarding one team the extra game in a seven-game series on the basis of an All Stars Game win isn't fair. Why should the American League team in the series, for example, get an extra home game because a throwing error in the All Star game by a National League player leads to an AL victory? Dumb. Go back to the old way: switch the seventh game from one league to the other each year.

4. Baseball has become so fast that all-too-human umpires are going to miss calls on the field. Each team should be given three challenges during the course of a nine-inning game so calls can be reviewed.

I have a solution to the most common mistakes made by the umpiring crew: Missed calls on balls and strikes. It has to be technologically simple to put a tiny microchip in each baseball, and sensors in home plate to determine if the pitched ball is over the plate. The knees and armpits zone could be established by sensors which rise out of the ground a safe distance from and to the side of the plate and retract instantly after the ball is pitched.

I also have some advice for Fox: Stop zooming in on players' noses and eyebrows. If you have to fill in the tedium between pitches, scope out some chicks and THEN zoom in.

Maybe some day he'll be able to join the army

2011-10-28T04:32:00.015-07:00

By Brian Small

Original Short Story - 2011

Einstein IV is an Earth-colonised planet located in the Centaurus-Carina Arm at a distance of about 3000 parsecs from the center of the Galaxy. Early astronaut-colonists had terra-formed the planet to loosely match conditions on Earth, from which they arrived in EY 2926.

Aside from the Unmitigated Liberal Rebellion of 3209, and the horrific Craven Conservative Crusade a decade later, Einstein IV was a peaceful planet with little to recommend it save for a 12-mile-high flank volcano named Lofty and its baseball team's astonishing record of ineptitude in the Galactic World Series. Only once in the 88 years since Einstein IV started sending teams to the Galaxy Playoffs had the Einstein IV Novas even advanced as far as the second round.

It was galling for the millions of supporters to have to endure the regular house-cleaning which followed each humiliating season, and promises of "we'll get them next year" had long since fallen on deaf ears.

But there was one man who could stand the embarrassment no more. He had a plan that would bring glory to the ball team and the planet. Norbert24 Tolbert41, a rabid Novas fan since his arrival on Einstein IV in 3411, decided to sire a baseball superstar. He selected Mildred72 Wheatfield17 to be the baby bearer, and although she was as ugly as a picket fence and knew not a whit about baseball, was glad to oblige.

The newly bonded couple met with the Genetics Engineer to discuss and fill out the New Human Order Form, and of course pay the Fees. They went with the default options for the most part (Blond, Blue eyes, Muscular, 6'2", Renaissance man, Considerate etc etc) but Norbert24 added one line in the Options box. "Left arm six inches longer, with 40 per cent more muscle mass and 40 per cent more flexibility, than the right arm."

Nine months to the day after the bonded couple sparked, Calvin55 Tolbert41 arrived on the scene, aided by the skilled hands of the Genetics Engineer.

"Isn't he beautiful?" cooed his mother.

"Yes," agreed Norbert24, "and it won't be long until he's firing 140 mile an hour fastballs by bewildered and intimidated hitters. And he's a leftie too. It will be no match."

"Hold it," said the Genetics Engineer. "You didn't check the 'left-handed' box. The default is 'right-handed'."

--BAS

(Sorry about the childish and putrid pun in the heading. It just slipped out.)

Goooogle doesn't seem to give a hoooot these days

2011-10-27T04:32:00.006-07:00

GOOGLE, THE MEGA-MONSTER OF THE INTERNET MIDWAY, IS LIKE a loose cannon at times, crashing and rolling about 'tween-decks, crunching subscribers like so many ants.

I'm not talking here about Google the superb search engine. I'm talking about Google the callous company which often treats its adherents in Picasa, BlogSpot and GMail like dog biscuits in a run-away barrel with no lid. Some will be ejected out the top; some will be crushed and some will be tossed about until they're dizzy.

Google's services include this one, which allows me to criticize the very company which offers BlogSpot. What's had my dander up for more than a month now is the cavalier way in which Google has gone about linking and intertwining blogs, photos and user profiles as the company gears up for an all-out assault on Facebook.

One day a while back, my ID and profile information on Picasa, where I have more than 2,000 photos stored, changed with no warning. It seems Google took every scrap of information about me from all three Google services I use and globbed it all together. I've been very careful about what personal information I upload to any site because there are a lot of sharks out there, so I changed everything I could. But there are a lot of people who are not computer savvy and were stuck with the changes.

Then I noticed I could no longer exchange comments on photos at Picasa with my "friends", all of whom were now identified by their real names. But I could if I downloaded and installed "Google +", the "magic bullet" that Google is going to fire at Facebook. I tried it, but that brought a whole whack of other problems, not the least of which almost every photo used for illustrative purposes in this blog disappeared.

Those photos had until recently been in a private file, but Google somehow changed things so private photos would no longer show up in Blogger. I got around it by making that file public. The photos in here came back, but now every time I upload an image here, it appears to Picasa users as if it's one I took myself.

Also, during the Google services integration, many bloggers lost their entire BlogSpot archive by checking one innocuous box.

If you've got this far, I'm certain your eyes are glazed over so I'll cut this diatribe off now. But I'll close with these two comments (of many, trust me) to show that there are a lot of unhappy Google users.

"... lets face it google doesn't give a shit about endusers (or google would listen to them and fix some of the 500 different design faults in the different products)."

"...I lost a 3 year blog. I sobbed all afternoon! Sooooo much work gone! It's unfathomable that Google could let this happen!!!!"

--BAS

BTW, I did figure out how to delete "Google +" without screwing up anything else but who knows what horrors are about to be unleashed on the faithful?

LaRussa rarely plays the Cards the way they're dealt

2011-10-25T03:43:00.006-07:00

I HOPE THIS PIECE DOESN'T JINX THE 'HOMETOWN' TEXAS RANGERS, but it has to be said: "Looks good on you, LaRussa."

The 2011 version of the World Series is one of the wackiest I can recall. The guy hitting 8th in the Rangers' lineup, the slot normally reserved for the 8th least best hitter on the team, is a hero again after belting a ball to the wall last night, knocking in the winning runs. The Rangers, who train every March in Surprise, Az., about 15 minutes from our front door, are one win away from the team's first World Series championship.

But wither LaRussa? He's not content to sit in the dugout and watch the game, like the millions on TV and 53,000 in the ball park. He's constantly meddling and manipulating...bringing in as many as three pitchers in one inning, waving a fielder over 10 feet to his right, ambling out on the field to dispute an umpire's call on a pitch LaRussa sees from 25 yards away and the guy behind the catcher sees from five feet away, calling a conference on the mound to give yet another reliever a chance to warm up.

The coach takes micro-managing to new, annoying and time-wasting levels. Last night's game took 3 1/2 hours to play, 1 1/2 hours (or, at two beers an hour, three beers) too many. LaRussa has gone to his bullpen 65 times in 16 games since the series started, a new record.

OK, so LaRussa's won Pennants and World Series rings and is one of the most recognizable coaches since Stengel, but that's the point. He's taking the game away from the players by his dugout chess moves. He's becoming bigger than the game, or at least he does to this often-myopic fan. Even if I were a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I'd feel the same way.

As an aside, I wonder if Tony could be on the payroll of the Advertising Agency. Every time he changes a pitcher, there's another commercial I have to mentally tune out. There is one up side to LaRussa-coached games--trips to the head are never rushed.

--BAS

A timely golf tip: Always hire a caddie so you have someone to blame.

2011-10-24T11:11:00.002-07:00

I HATE GOLF. MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVE UNEXCELLED AT THIS BLOOD SPORT probably do too, but are too cowardly to admit it. When I did play, 30ish years ago, my first game of the season was always my best, and my best was always worse than any of the poor saps I'd tricked or bribed into playing.

Few ever wanted a second round. I never broke par, never threatened par, and never once that I can recall got a birdie. It's a sport which perfectly suits assassins, snipers and despots. Others need not apply.

A book I picked up called Wit and Wisdom of Golf is filled with priceless divots of truth about a sport so horrible it isn't even allowed into the Olympics, although there are millions who claim to play it. These bon mots following are wicked. FORE!!!

.George Brett: "I was three over--one over a house, one over the patio and one over a swimming pool."

.Homero Blancas: "I had some uphill putts--at each of my downhill putts."

.Deane Beman: "If the following foursome is pressing you, wave them through and then speed up."

.Elaine Johnson, after her ball hit a tree and bounced back into her bra: "I'll take a two-shot penalty, but I'll be damned if I'm going to play the ball where it lies.

.Craig Stadler, on why he was using a new putter: "The old one didn't float too well."

.Billy Graham: "I never pray on the golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course."

.Paul Harvey: "Golf is a game you yell "Fore", shoot six and put down five."

.Anonymous: "Golf architects can't play golf themselves and make damn sure no one else can."

.Gerald Ford: "I know I'm getting better at golf. I'm hitting fewer spectators."

.Yogi Berra: "Ninty per cent of putts that are short don't go in."

--BAS \_ o

Curtain call: The memory bank brings out a cast for one more bow.

2011-10-21T06:53:00.008-07:00

I CAME ACROSS AN ARTICLE YESTERDAY ABOUT a play I'd seen in New York many years ago and it opened a box-full of memories long-since closeted away. Acting, it seems, was in my young blood and my career was meteoric but brief.

I'd once played a camel in the annual St. John's School Christmas play, and with no lines, performed flawlessly. Or was I an ass? I was desperately in love with the Virgin Mary, played by Maureen Murphy, although she of the heavens could manage only a bemused smile to a lowly, rag-tag animal wearing thick glasses who wasn't allowed anywhere near the manger.

My stage career thus ended abruptly and I went on to a 17-year mini-career in journalism, a field in which bad actors were tolerated and in some cases, celebrated. In 1973 my editor sent me to an intensive two-week journalism course at Columbia University in New York. Here, we were warned, bad actors would soon be on a plane out of La Guardia with at least one "return to sender" passenger aboard.

Nights were free to do as you wished as long as you were at the next day's opening session sharp at 8, showered, shaved and clear-eyed. There were many possibilities, though, to explore New York after hours and with my background in acting, I opted for three nights on Broadway. One of the plays I'd heard of: Championship Season, which had won the Pulitzer Prize for Drama that year. The other two included Grease, which had received seven Tony nominations, and Sleuth, starring Patrick Macnee, best known for the natty, quirky character he played in the British TV series The Avengers.

Although my unrequited love was in none of these, I was mesmerized and spent many hours with my fellow theater-goers in a bar somewhere, sipping soda water and reliving each play. Sleuth was by far the best of the three, in my opinion. You didn't find out until part-way through Act 3 that Macnee was actually playing two of the main characters.

Some of my colleagues said they hoped to return to New York regularly to take in more plays, and I did too, but it was not to be. Aside from local Kinsmen productions Fiddler on the Roof and Evita, I never saw another play. Pity.

Infinity: Leave Only Footprints embarks on its annual Fool's Errand.

2011-10-19T06:20:00.009-07:00

TRYING WRAP YOUR MIND AROUND THE CONCEPT OF an infinite number of universes is a Fool's Errand at best and a shortcut to insanity at worst. And that's on a good day.

For starters, if there are an infinite number of universes, (INOU) as many scientists now believe, and the conditions are right for me to exist in just one (which I'm pretty sure I do) then I must exist in an INOU. Equally true is the other side of the coin...I also don't exist in an INOU.

Here's one way to look at infinite: You've been stacking Playboy magazines, one on top of the other, for a billion, trillion years, and you finally think you're finished. Then some wise guy yells: "Make the pile a billion, trillion times higher."

Now consider this: in an INOU, I must be, or have been, a chess Grandmaster; an Indonesian pygmy; a grunt working on Pharaoh Khufu's pyramid; the fifth Beatle; a swabbie on HMS Victory; the discoverer of argon gas. And, for that matter, so have YOU.

You're bonkers, you say. There are only four Beatles. How could you be the fifth? Well, in an INOU, there would have to be Beatles bands with two, three, four, five, six or more musicians.

In an INOU, there would be sickly me's, Emperor me's, tyrannical me's, benevolent me's. There are universes in which I would be the boss of Bill O'Reilly ("You're fired!") Donald Trump ("You're FIRED!!!)" and Albert Einstein ("You're hired, sir.") I would have been a U-boat submariner, an Everest conqueror, a malaria victim. And you would have been too.

An infinite number of universes means everything is possible, including at least one in which this Fool's Errand we're on mercifully comes to an end. Fortunately, I must have been the inventor of Bufferin in some of those universes. I need a couple right now.

--BAS

Watch this: My fingers never leave my hands, but a lot of cash will leave my wallet

2011-10-17T21:40:00.007-07:00

OK, SO IT'S A BIT EARLY TO BE TALKING ABOUT CHRISTMAS lists, but somebody out there might want to get in line for one of these watches.

Mind you, not everyone will want a watch that requires an oil change every ten years, but for those who don't mind the inconvenience of sending it back to the Swiss watch
maker for a tune-up and oil top-up, the Urwerk UR-110 ZrN 'Champagne Supernova' is a watch without peer.

Says Gizmag about the temporal marvel: "The ZrN designation refers to the fact that the case top surface is vapor-deposited with Zirconium Nitride, an extremely hard and corrosion resistant coating usually only used in industrial tooling." Inside are two miniature "turbines" which use air pressure to regulate the self-winding mechanism and reduce strain on the movement. The watch was designed so a driver can tell the time without taking his hand off the steering wheel.

If you're a guy or gal who has billions tucked under the mattress and are looking for a unique gift for Dad, the Supernova is a must-buy. In fact, if you REALLY want to impress him, buy all twelve the company is making (@ $135,000 each), smash 11 of them, and give him the only one in existence.

Here's Gizmag's link for more information about and photos of the Supernova: http://www.gizmag.com/urwerk-ur-110-zrn/20135/

--BAS

Tom Swifties are back. Enjoy!

2011-10-16T09:28:00.005-07:00

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THE LEAVE ONLY Footprints staff has turned its collective hand to Tom Swifties, but the famine is over. Here's a batch of new ones to chew on.

"They just laid my old friend Bill to rest," said Tom gravely.

"I used to play point guard for Cleveland." said Tom cavalierly.

"Sinatra was my favorite singer," said Tom frankly.

"I just located the missing Dallas Cowboys quarterback," said Tom profoundly.

"I've never been able to figure this card game out," said Tom wistfully.

"The chances of this coin coming up heads is 50-50." said Tom evenly.

"When I rubbed the brass lamp, an escaped prisoner popped out," said Tom congenially.

"Who is that blind guy playing the piano?" Tom wondered.

"WHAT IDIOT PUT THAT GRENADE IN THE FIREPLACE?" Tom exploded.

--BAS

It may be time to turn out the lights and close the shop for good

2011-10-10T05:29:00.006-07:00

LIKE A DUMB-ASS, I SIGNED UP FOR FACEBOOK not long after it was available and "poked" a few Facebookites for fun. That was about the extent of my involvement but it wasn't long until spam started pouring in and all kinds of strange and stranger strangers wanted to be my "friend".

I don't like spam and have quite enough friends, thank you very much, so closed my Facebook account post-haste. Well, not really closed...put to bed might be a better term. Apparently Facebook lets closed accounts lie, snoozing, until users see the light and reactivate them.

I also jumped on the Picasa web albums bandwagon four or five years ago, and now have more than 3,000 photos on my site. So....now the ogre Google, the engine behind Picasa, is wanting to create a "better Facebook" and is squeezing Picasa users to join Google + (or G+) to share photos and notes and chat and video-conference and all the other things that I have no time for. (And all the nasty surprises Google no doubt has in store for us 'sheep'le). If you don't join, you can no longer comment on other photographers' shots, nor presumably receive any.

What to do? I'm thinking I might tell the bull in the china shop to Go Ogle elsewhere. I just want a place where anyone interested can look at my pictures, if they're so inclined.

--BAS

A final thought: Some may say that 800 million Facebook users can't be wrong and one person right, but it's happened before. :-)

There's no joy in Mudville. The mighty Alex had struck out.

2011-10-07T04:43:00.005-07:00

There was a ball team from N Y,

with the best players money could buy.

The brass spent a wad

on good old A-Rod,

whose main skill is watching sliders, fastballs, split-finger sinkers, curves and change-ups pass by.

Bye bye.

--BAS

(With apologies to limerick purists, but I couldn't resist.)

Pardon me officer, but I think I'M going insane

2011-10-06T08:41:00.005-07:00

JUST ANOTHER WEEK IN FLATHEAD COUNTY, according to a few selected incidents reported by the Flathead (Montana) Beacon Police Blotter reporter.

Monday 9/12:

11:34 a.m. A man on West Bowman Drive said the neighbors have cameras pointed at his driveway.

12:24 p.m. A Kalispell woman believes she and her dogs are the victims of a "chemical attack". She thinks her ex-husband may have hired people to come into her house and spray them.

1:18 p.m. A woman in Hathaway Lane found a man in her kitchen. When she confronted him, he said he was looking for someone else and then ran off.

3:26 p.m. A Martin City woman reported that her husband was beating her. He, however, claimed she's a sleepwalker and was having a bad dream.

9:51 p.m. A woman called to say she had just shot 30 rounds into the ground to relieve the stress of a bad day. She ensured (sic) a deputy that there would be no more shooting that night.

Tuesday, 9/13

10:09 a.m. A man walking along the railroad tracks near Shadow Lane was reportedly waving his arms and having a conversation with himself.

3:09 p.m. Someone on Pheasant Drive may have drowned a cat.

5:10 p.m. A man said he was kicked out of an Evergreen gas station for reasons unknown to him.

Wednesday, 9/14

10 a.m. A man on Shady Lane called in to say his wife was going insane.

4:46 p.m. A caller said they saw a man wearing a straw hat ride his bike drunkenly down Shady Lane.

10:47 p.m. A Kalispell woman said a man with red hair tried to run her husband over with his Suburu.

Thursday 9/15

2:54 p.m. A Columbia Falls man reported that his wife is letting random people drive his truck around town.

4:51 p.m. A Kalispell man, upset by his financial situation, spent some time in his yard yelling. His neighbors were worried and asked that a deputy check on him.

5:41 p.m. Someone said they saw a dirty man with missing teeth. No crime had been committed.

6:30 p.m. Martin City women who used to be friends are now angry with one another.

10:41 p.m. A Kalispell man found something suspicious on the Internet.

Sunday 9/18

5:30 p.m. A report was made about a man running around in the corner of Highway 35 and Shady Lane "making gestures".

1:55 a.m. A woman on Highway 35 came home to find an intoxicated woman in her house. The intruder tried to hit her, then ran off to a bar across the street.

Some unsolicited advice from the staff at Leave Only Footprints: Stay the hell off Shady Lane ! ! !

--BAS

The sky is falling: Whatever happened to finders keepers, losers weepers?

2011-09-24T07:19:00.006-07:00

NOW LET'S SEE HOW THIS WORKS. An 800-pound piece of an American satellite falls from the sky and crushes your doghouse (and poor old Spot) , and the satellite people want it back?

Well, a case could be made that the crumpled and smoking motor casing that crashed in your back yard is actually trespassing on your property. Here's another scenario: A burglar breaks into your house, steals your stereo and forgetfully leaves his Gore-Tex coat behind. Then he calls and says he wants it back.

Ahhhhhhhh, I don't think so.

Here's NASA's take on things, as reported today, concerning the 6.5 ton Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite's fall from orbit:

NASA has advised that...anyone who comes across what they think is a piece of the UARS satellite, however unlikely, to leave it where it is and contact local authorities.
"Just remember, 'not UARS — or rather, yours — to keep,'" said space artifacts expert Robert Pearlman, editor of the website collectSPACE.com and a frequent SPACE.com contributor. "Should the public come across debris they believe to be from the downed satellite, they should alert the authorities, or the authorities may come after them."
Even if it is in fragments, the UARS satellite is still property of NASA and the U.S. government, Pearlman added, which makes the debris off limits for anyone thinking of keeping a piece as a souvenir.
"Regardless of where it falls, in or outside the borders of the nation, the U.S. has first right of refusal on any remnants, as either enforced by U.S. law or a United Nations treaty," Pearlman said.
But apart from the legal aspect, NASA's advice to not touch any potential pieces of satellite debris is also for safety reasons.
Leave Only Footprints has this advice for anyone who ends up with a huge chunk of UARS: Quickly cut it into penny-size circles and take them to a museum near you. Then run the blanks through those funky crank-handle machines and turn them into souvenirs.** They'll sell like hotcakes on E Bay.
--BAS
**Note to Authorities: This is just a joke. Really. Jus' kidding.

Musing on the implications of going very, very fast

2011-09-24T00:32:00.002-07:00

SCIENTISTS WORKING WITH THE PARTICLE ACCELERATOR AT THE CERN facility in Geneva say they've made measurements which might prove that neutrinos actually move faster than the speed of light, although the claim has met with a firestorm of skepticism. However, if others are able to duplicate the results, it will rank as one of the three or four biggest scientific discoveries in history.

The speed of light, one of the few constants that most people can remember, is about 186,000 miles a second. After seven decades of development, the fastest Earth-launched rockets can only manage a wimpy (by comparison) five or six miles a second.

If it turns out that the SOL barrier can be broken, and if scientists in the far distant future can figure out a way to accelerate a few intrepid astronauts to a few million miles a second, exploring our Galaxy might just be possible after all. As it now stands, we can spy on our cosmic neighbors, but will never be able to drop in for a barbecue.

The down side to approaching the speed of light is that time slows down for space travellers. When our heroes returned to Earth, every single person alive when they left would be long dead. And unless they invested wisely before they blasted off, our astronauts wouldn't be able to afford their taxes.

Even gods can have bad days, but far fewer than mere mortals

2011-09-23T04:38:00.012-07:00

By Brian Small

Original Short Story - 2011

Tim was beaming, although uncharacteristically nervous. It had just been announced that his science project had been selected from more than 400 entries to represent his school in the inter-galactic finals. He'd been called to come up on the stage and tell the assembled parents, teachers and dignitaries how his experiment worked.

(Tim is not this student's name, and in fact he isn't a student, per se, but human nomenclature will have to do if this story is to make any sense. Tim is a bright and enthusiastic kid, as we would call him, whose name is actually a combination of radio and ultraviolet frequencies, all of which lie outside our perception.

(Similarly, it isn't possible for the human mind to comprehend where Tim IS. He's elsewhere, beyond our Universe, although even "beyond" is an ill-suited word to describe his whereabouts. He just isn't HERE. Also, he is NOT about to adjust the microphone so everyone will clearly hear his words, but that's what we would expect him to do.)

"Thank you for selecting my project," said Tim, with a slight nod in the direction of the judges, seated behind him and to the right.

He turned and started toward the table on which his winning entry was displayed. Remembering his manners, he returned to the microphone. "Excuse me," he said. "I'm going to get the sphere in which my project is contained."

He returned with the globe, and held it over his head.

"For those who have not had a chance to examine it, my project involved the creation of sentient creatures on trillions of worlds in an infinite number of Universes inside this glass globe. It took about three months (875 million Earth years) to complete. And each of the Universes in this sphere has its own set of rules by which to operate, and its own lifeforms to discover them."

A round of polite applause followed, although even those in the front row could see only a hint of what looked like mist in the globe.

As he was about to return the sphere to the display table, it slipped from his grasp and eluded his frantic efforts to catch it before it hit the floor. It smashed into a million pieces, and a collective gasp escaped the lips of those in attendance.

An embarrassed young student returned to the microphone, and fumbled for words.

"Wouldn't you know it?" he said finally. "Oh well. Shit* happens."

Earthlings, were there any still in existence, would be the first to agree.

--BAS

*An approximation of what Tim said. He is not biological and the term he used was more like "Meson decay happens".

Artwork by ApocalypticMongoloid at Deviant Art.

"Another Brick In The Wall": Pink Floyd got it right

2011-09-22T08:21:00.008-07:00

A LIFETIME AGO, IN A GALAXY FAR. FAR AWAY, many of the Class of 1960 graduated from a high school in Ontario with a lot of baggage. I was one of those graduates, and my junk included Latin, Trig, Physics and Shop, Geometry and Chemistry.

English Lit and English Composition did come in handy from time to time, and since Canada is officially bilingual, French was mandatory and I wish I'd paid more attention to Mr. Martinek. But c'est la vie.

Education in Ontario back then was a process by which round pegs were fitted in round holes, and square pegs were whammed and jammed in too. The educators had spent not one bit of time trying to find out what career paths the students should be following so they could suggest courses to help (keeping in mind that there were only about a dozen courses offered, of which you had to successfully complete eight).

So it was that many square graduates, myself included, popped out of the sausage machine with all the wrong tools with which to find gainful employment. I didn't even know there was a career counselling department at the school until after I graduated, although by sheer luck I landed in a job where my limited writing skills proved of value.

I have a sense that things have changed in the education system for the better, but that is of little consolation to those of us who found high school demeaning and terminally boring. Some of my teachers taught by reading to the class the obligatory text book which came with each course. Some did veer off into other interesting areas, but not one provided any challenges. It was book learnin', and that was that.

I thought about those wasted days and depressing times today as the world's stock markets tumbled yet again. We were never given even a hint that life could be treacherous, let alone any advice on how to deal with crises that educators must have known would arise. But I CAN figure out how tall a tree is using trig, although the only thing I learned in Shop about wood was how to make a tiny footstool, the legs of which were cut off by a smartass classmate I was never able to identify.

Call three times 1: When dealing with soul-less multi-nationals, never let them see you sweat

2011-09-04T04:59:00.004-07:00

DUDLEY, A GOOD FRIEND OF LEAVE ONLY FOOTPRINTS, has a formula for dealing with multi-national corporations which have screwed you over: Take up your cudgel, never give up and don't lose your cool.

And be prepared to call the enemy three times, at least, before you'll get any satisfaction. Here's an actual example from Dudley's case files.

One Christmas day a few years ago, a guest at Dudley's home in Arizona asked if it would be OK to call a long-time friend who now lives in Chile. Sure, he said, I have an unlimited LD calling plan, of sorts, so go ahead. The call, of 20 minutes duration, brought much happiness on both ends of the line. The phone bill, however, had one entry which brought much unhappiness: $250 for the call.

In due course, Dudley called the phone company to complain and hit the armor plating: "We're sorry you're upset, but that's life. Pay the bill and stop bothering me." Or words to that effect.

Later the same day, Call # 2. "We're sorry you're upset, but let me see what I can do." Twenty minutes later, after supposedly discussing Dudley's case with his supervisor, the agent told Dudley it was Christmas season and although the entire amount was owed for the call to Chile, the benevolent boss had agreed to knock $30 off the bill. OWTTE.

Dudley, an experienced and seasoned David to the big corporations' Goliaths, knew he had them by the short and curlies, and gleefully called back a while later. "We're sorry you're upset," said the man who took his call, "and I can see why. That can't be right....let me do some checking." OWTTE. A few minutes later, he came back on the line to inform Dudley the cost of the call was actually $11.55, or numbers to that effect.

So, to sum up: Pick a day you have lots of spare time; don't take NO for an answer; don't lose your cool; and be prepared to call at least three times.

--BAS

Call three times 2: The score after 2, Telephone Giant 6/7, Liz 1/7

2011-09-04T04:57:00.020-07:00

THE EVOLVING STRUGGLE WITH THE TELEPHONE GIANT AT&T: An update, live. This story has a few kinks and wrinkles which make the case interesting. Here's a point-by-point synopsis.

1. Nokia cellphone model 6350-1b no longer charges but the unit is still under warranty;
2. Call to AT&T results in a Return Authorization #;
3. Non-working phone returned;
4. Replacement (REFURBISHED) phone arrives but doesn't work;
5. See 2;
6. Second replacement (REFURBISHED) phone arrives;
7. All is well again.
8. Oops, all is not well. An invoice from AT&T arrives and they say they have charged $210 "to your account (actually, Liz's)...to replace this equipment".

Why did they do that? Well, says a form letter from AT&T, the original phone arrived "Cracked, damaged, smashed, Chewed Plastic/Faceplate"; you owe us $210, and, finally, "Thank you for using AT&T! We appreciate your business." (Editor's note: Did they mean "giving you the business?")

A keen eye spots a Red Arrow placed by a technician on the "cracked, damaged etc." phone. It points to a small square hole cut into the plate and inside the hole, on the circuit board, are four small contacts. But no explanation of what's not there that should be, or what's there that shouldn't be. But whatever is or isn't, you damaged your phone and we want to be paid for sending you a new (REFURBISHED) one. Or words to that effect.

Remembering Dudley's axiom (see the blog directly above) Liz calls the AT&T Customer Service number, provided helpfully on the form letter,
and hits the armor plating. "Sorry, you owe the money, just pay it and stop bothering me. Besides, we're just the intermediary. Your issue is with Nokia." OWTTE.

The next day, Call # 2. "Sorry you are upset. Let me do some checking." (On hold for AT&T promotional messages.) "Hi, thank you for your patience. There's nothing we can do." Liz launches Reasonable Argument 1. I only paid $70 for the phone in the first place. How can you charge me three times that much for a new (REFURBISHED) phone?" "Let me talk to my supervisor." (Hold. AT&T promotional messages.) "Thank you for your patience. My supervisor has agreed to reduce the amount from $210 to $180." OWTTE.

Liz fires Reasonable Argument 2. "How much would it have cost to fix whatever the Red Arrow was pointing at instead of sending me another phone and billing my account for $210?" "Let me talk to my supervisor." (Hold etc.) "Thank you for your patience. My supervisor says there's nothing more we can do for you." OWTTE.

AT&T has not heard the last of Liz. Bank on it. Quoth she: I have only begun to fight. OWTTE.

--BAS

Finding oneself in the marijuana chapter of a botany book

2011-08-27T10:02:00.008-07:00

I DIDN'T WRITE THE PIECE BELOW. IT'S TAKEN FROM A CHAPTER ON marijuana in a book called The Botany of Desire, by Michael Pollan. These two paragraphs describe Pollan's attention span. Although it's Pollan's prose, it's a perfect description of me.

"I am not by nature one of the world's great noticers. Unless I make a conscious effort, I won't notice what color your shirt is, the song playing on the radio, or whether you put one sugar in your coffee or two. When I'm working as a reporter I have to hector myself continually to mark the details...

"Why this should be so, I have no idea, except that I am literally absentminded, prone to be thinking about something else, something past, when I am ostensibly having a fresh experience. Almost always, my attention can't wait to retreat from the here and now to the abstract, frog-jumping from the data of the senses to conclusions."

That's me to a T, although there's also a healthy admixture of impatience, nervous energy and intense restlessness churning in my genes. Since there's not much I can do about it, I just gotta be me.

--BAS

PS: I can say that Botany of Desire is one of the best three or four books I've ever read. Rather than go into specifics from my perspective, I'll borrow one sentence from the publisher to tell what it's about:

"(Pollan) masterfully links four fundamental human desires--sweetness, beauty, intoxication, and control--with the plants that satisfy them: the apple, the tulip, marijuana and the potato."

Why our increasingly irregular trips into town are most times so painful

2011-08-26T06:45:00.005-07:00

MORE TOTALLY BIASED OBSERVATIONS ON CHINESE junk and other disgusting attempts to screw consumers through totally ridiculous cutbacks.

It's almost impossible to find non-made-in-China birthday cards these days, so apologies in advance for those in the mail which feature:

*cards in which the two halves don't line up properly;
*envelope paper so thin that you can read the card right through it and
*envelopes so thin that irregularly shaped cards will arrive at the destination with the envelope all battered, bent and twisted due to lack of internal support.

WARNING: if your birthday card arrives with the envelope pre-opened, don't be alarmed. The thin edge of glue that is supposed to keep the flap shut probably won't.

A new trend at restaurants these days: Breakfast now comes with only one slice of toast, not two, as been traditional for hundreds of centuries. The same restaurants are starting to charge extra for coffee refills. Also, the bacon strips have now shrunk to the size of a stick of gum.

Some culinary traditions are still religiously followed, however: Orders to "Enjoy" as the plate of luke-warm food is slid under your chin, and to "Have a nice day" as you grumble your way out the front door.

--BAS

A few somethings you may not know

2011-08-22T07:28:00.004-07:00

SOME GEMS FROM SISTER NANCY, INCLUDED IN A BATCH OF unusual factoids she emailed me.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

--BAS

Bald Eagles are ruthless and efficient hunters

2011-08-22T06:40:00.008-07:00

From Fine Feathered Friends

I WATCHED THROUGH MY CAMERA'S LENS A BALD EAGLE snatch a trout out of the lake yesterday without even getting its feathers wet. In fact, the eagle didn't even break flap, so to speak, as it swooped down and nabbed the fish just below the surface of Priest Lake, Idaho.

The majestic bird with its prize crossed the lake to the east side, where our cabin is located, but was too far away for a really clear shot and I had to settle for the one above. But catching the next catch, close up and in perfect focus, will remain a work in progress. Since the nesting pair of Eagles took up residence on this side of the lake, the Osprey family has moved on, although you can see one occasionally off to the north.

Eagles pick their fish right out of the lake without missing a beat. Osprey, on the other hand, pounce on their prey with a big splash and a thrash as they struggle to get airborne again. Osprey also hover over a prospective catch, sometimes for 20 or more seconds, before taking the plunge.

Also spotted yesterday: A Belted Kingfisher (a first for me at Priest Lake); a pair of Great Blue Heron at altitude (also a first for here); and a Pine White Butterfly land on the choppy surface of the lake, and then take off again. Must have stopped for a drink, oblivious to the peril from the waves and who knows what from below.

--BAS

It's a jungle out there, but fortunately there's always Amazon

2011-08-22T04:58:00.003-07:00

I SURE WOULDN'T WANT TO BE A RETAIL MERCHANT these days, what with the ease of shopping and excellent prices at online outlets like Amazon.

Here's why. I recently received (from Amazon) another lens I'd purchased online for my camera, but the outrageous price for an Amazon-recommended protective lens filter, $79.95, was a non-starter. So a week later I called a merchant in nearby Sandpoint, ID., to see if they had a filter which would do the job.

No, we don't, said the lady who answered the phone, but we're expecting a shipment any day. The filter you require (a 72mm UV model) is on back order. Could you call back next week? I inquired as to the price, and after 10 minutes the lady came back to say she couldn't find the price online but thought it was about $80.

So, back to Amazon, and a search turned up pages of UV filters and one which was perfect for me. At $29.95. Free shipping too, and it will be delivered to the mailbox by Wednesday. I should have searched Amazon in the first place.

--BAS

If you see this radio-controlled boat streaking by, stand well clear

2011-08-11T02:17:00.008-07:00

THIS HIGH SPEED SUPER BOAT WILL END up Chinese junk, mark my words. It was a gift from Grandma Liz for Tyler, her 6-year-old grandson, but as soon as the largish box was opened it was obvious this remote controlled speed boat is a disaster waiting to happen.

It's so cheaply made that the boat, if it even runs, will either sink (it's not watertight), overheat (a problem noted by other users, who say this causes the flimsy plastic battery holder to break, allowing thin micro-wires to break off) or sail away over the horizon (the manufacturer warns that the wireless controller only "controls" for up to 40 meters. I doubt any six-year-old on the planet knows how far that is.)

This craft comes with the usual helpful Chinese instructions: "While the boat is running, if the ship is running to the leftwards then we can use the fine-tuning knob to the right moving gradually rotated until the boat is running straight up."

The remote unit requires eight AA batteries (not supplied) and has two knobs to steer the craft and four sliding switches which don't move...they're just for decoration. The plastic hull is paper-thin, the fancy decals bubble and wrinkle over the curved surfaces and there's a warning not to charge the batteries for longer than five hours. Uh oh. I wonder what will happen if you do? Whatever. It can't be a good thing.

The official launch of the EP Racing Boat will be sometime around 9 this morning. By 9:10 it will be all over. As I say, mark my words.

--BAS

Follow-up: As predicted, the launch took place at around 9 a.m. and surprisingly, the boat worked as claimed. It roared out of the slip at high speed, leaving two rooster tails behind. The 10-year-old at the remote "helm" couldn't keep it on a straight course and the boat veered sharply to port and to starboard, eventually zooming perilously close to shore. Just before the ship hit the sand, one engine stopped working (for good, as it turns out). Since the boat has no rudder, the loss of one engine caused the EP Racer to circle wildly out of control. As predicted, within 10 minutes it was all over. Monday the boat will leave on the first leg of a return journey to wherever it is that Amazon.com receives customers' Chinese junk.

Same old refrain, except back then it wasn't rain in Spain causing the pain

2011-08-10T06:35:00.022-07:00

STRANGELY, THE TWO WEEKS OF SUPER WEATHER KOed internet service here at remote (sort of) Priest Lake, Idaho. But it's cloudy today and I now have an opportunity to get this off my plate.

We keep hearing about riots in London, political ineptitude and economic chaos and it brought to mind a song from the '60s by the Kingston Trio. If things seemed bad then, it could be they're far worse now and there ain't nobody singing about it.

They're rioting in Africa
They're starving in Spain
There's hurricanes in Florida
And Texas needs rain
the Whole world is festering with unhappy souls
The French hate the Germans, the Germans hate the Poles
Italians hate Yugoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch
And I don't like Anybody very much.

But we can be tranquil and thankful and proud
For man's been endowed with a mushroom-shaped cloud
And we know for certain that some lucky day
Someone will set the spark off and we will all be blown away

They're rioting in Africa
There's strife in Iran
What nature doesn't do to us
Will be done by our fellow Man

Lyrics by Sheldon Harnick @1958

--BAS

Just before dawn, another mysterious light blinks on and off in the night sky

2011-07-28T05:07:00.011-07:00

From Night Photography

I WAS CERTAIN, BEFORE DAWN THIS MORNING, I'D PHOTOGRAPHED my first Iridium flare, but that now doesn't appear to be the case.

I was taking 30-second time exposures with my camera pointing north, hoping to catch a meteor, when I noticed a bright light appear just inside the bowl of the Big Dipper. It only was visible for a few seconds, then "blinked" out. It's clearly visible in the photo. I've seen what I thought were Iridium flares before, and figured I'd finally photographed one.

However, an online search of all flares visible today at this location and time revealed nary a one. By the way, these flares are caused by sunlight reflecting off satellites in orbit, particularly the Iridium communications satellites.

I'm not even sure the light was moving since it was gone in an instant, but there appears to be a slight "track" indicating it was. The stars all show very short but noticeable tracks as a result of the Earth's rotation. For now my Iridium flare is just another mysterious light in the night sky that can't be be explained. At least by me.

For more night astrophotography photos, click on the link under the photo. For another strange light in the sky near Area 51, click here:

https://picasaweb.google.com/104166044530852060595/EerieLightsInTheNight

--BAS

No question this H2O is water under the bridge

2011-07-27T08:33:00.001-07:00

HERE'S THE FIRST PARAGRAPH OF A NASA ARTICLE WHICH brought me to a full stop:

"Two teams of astronomers have discovered the largest and farthest reservoir of water ever detected in the universe. The water, equivalent to 140 trillion times all the water in the world's ocean, surrounds a huge, feeding black hole, called a quasar, more than 12 billion light-years away."

These numbers are too large to munch on, but a nibble suggests that's one hell of a lot of water. That's the good news. The bad news is it's quite a long way away, and the really bad news is it's being sucked into a black hole, essentially disappearing from the Universe.

No word on whether any giant plastic bottles were found nearby.

Read the whole fascinating article here:

http://www.nasa.gov/topics/universe/features/universe20110722.html

--BAS

The bigger they are, the harder they fall

2011-07-20T03:45:00.005-07:00

IT'S CHILDISH BUT SOMEHOW EMINENTLY SATISFYING to take pleasure watching the billionaire Murdochs grovelling and sniveling like simpering fools at the feet of their inquisitors. You hope both end up in the crowbar motel but know they'll somehow buy their way out of the phone hacking scandal and all the other scurrilous tricks they've pulled . They are, after all, billionaires.

Their televised day of judgment was like watching the kids turn on the schoolyard bully and pounding the crap out of him.

I endured a few minutes of father and son bumbling and stumbling through their testimony yesterday to make sure I had it clearly in focus: Neither would know anything about any wrongdoing ever. Check. It was all the fault of underlings. Check. They knew nothing about millions in payoffs and bribe money. Check. We're embarrassed and sorry about all of this (now that we've been caught out). Check.

The Murdochs' reign of terror is over and I hope a torrent of lawsuits rain down until their billions flitter away. You can be sure that many Murdoch employees know where the skeletons are buried and now the bosses have turned on them, this sordid affair is soon going to look like Michael Jackson's "Thriller".

"And no one's gonna save you
From the beast about to strike"

(Photo: Mr. Pie Face The Elder).

--BAS

The U.S.-Japan women's soccer game was a real kick in the pants

2011-07-18T05:01:00.007-07:00

I USED TO BE A MAJOR-LEAGUE MALE CHAUVINIST WHEN IT CAME to women's sports, but that changed when I watched the gals play competitive and entertaining hockey during the Vancouver Winter Olympics. Now I can add women's soccer to the list of women's sports to follow.

Sunday's game between the United States and Japan was mercilessly exciting and entertaining. The heavily favored Americans had a half-dozen platinum scoring chances which produced nothing except a ball off the cross-bar and one off the goal post, and the Japanese twice rallied from behind to tie the score at the last minute in both regular time and overtime.

There's a euchre expression which fits Sunday's game to a T: "Kill as you go." The U.S. couldn't and the Japanese girls came back to punish them with a win in penalty kicks. Both sides have to be commended, though, for playing what has to be one of the best women's soccer games of all time.

--BAS

The remarkable program Nature tells us the Druid Peak wolf pack is back

2011-07-18T03:51:00.010-07:00

THREE YEARS AGO WE ENCOUNTERED TWO WOLF PACKS in Yellowstone National Park, only one of which contained wolves. The other pack's members, almost as fractious as the animals, all wear camo, are equipped with telescopes, binoculars, long-lens cameras on tripods, note pads and GPS.

Although we'd been to Yellowstone four times in the past decade, we've never visited Lamar Valley, near the park's northern boundary, and had never heard of the Druid Peak wolf pack. That changed when we camped beside a rough and tumble wildlife photographer who spends months every year watching the Druids through his camera's 500 mm lens, and was eager to tell us everything he knew about them.

"They're all lying down now," he said, "but later this afternoon the pack will be hunting."

At the appointed time, we followed his directions to a road-side hillock overlooking the wide, treeless valley through which the Lamar River runs, to see the wolves. The parking pull-off was already jammed and there were vehicles for hundreds of yards on both sides of the highway. The wolf trackers were hunting. We joined them to watch the Druid Pack trying to bring down a young bison, which escaped by running into the narrow river.

Our photographer friend was there, and during a lull in the action, told us the Druid Pack had recently been attacked by the Slough Creek Pack and several members had been killed.

All of this is a lead-up to a splendid show on PBS last night about the Druid Pack, which since our last visit had been virtually wiped out by disease and inter-pack rivalry. The show, Nature, features some of the most spectacular cinematography on wolves ever captured. Released in 2009, the show followed the Druids for two years during the good times, when it became the best-known pack in Yellowstone, and the bad, when the wolves were decimated.

Last year I read that the sole survivor, a female, had been shot outside the park and the Druids were no more, but Nature showed that two females survived. The pack has been reborn, thanks to two males from a neighboring pack, and has since returned to Lamar Valley.

Of course those who religiously follow the wolves, including the fanatics who drive into Yellowstone from the surrounding towns almost every day, already know that. The pros have access to a web site which reports the location of individual wolves wearing radio collars. That's why the trackers all have GPS units.

We're going back to Lamar Valley this fall and hope to see the Druids back in action. Unless I win a lottery and can afford a 600mm lens, though, there likely won't be any photos. Wolves most often give humans a wide berth.

--BAS

Nikon just doesn't get the picture

2011-07-16T07:14:00.002-07:00

UNHELPFUL TIPS FROM NIKON, A COMPANY WHICH SHOULD KNOW how to communicate but doesn't, at least in this case.

"When images taken with D1-series, D2-series, D100, D200, D80, D70S, D70, D60, D50, D40, or D40X cameras are edited with the Non-Picture Control option selected in the Camera settings step in the "Develop" section of the Edit List palette, the sharpening, tone compensation, color mode, and saturation settings in effect at the time the photograph was taken are marked with an asterisk (no asterisk will be displayed if "Auto" was selected for sharpening, tone compensation or saturation)."

Well, at least it's in English. I think.

--BAS

Ain't it the truth, though?

2011-07-16T05:07:00.003-07:00

FOUND IN MY INBOX TODAY, A nugget, small but mighty, worth savoring. Thanks, Rick. --BAS

We'd sure love a Bugatti, but even at $89,000, this replica is out of reach

2011-07-16T04:29:00.006-07:00

WHAT AN AMAZING COUP. A GUY HAS BUILT AN exact replica of a Bugatti Veyron on a Mercury Cougar chassis and is selling it for less than a tenth the cost of a real one.

Mike Duff, 25, of Florida, spent nine months building the "Cougatti" using fibreglas composite material, a professional paint job and genuine leather for the interior. Now it would take an engineer from Volkswagen, which owns Bugatti and offers the Veyron for $1.5 million, to tell it's a replica, at least from the outside. However, lifting the hood would give it away...instead of Veyron's 8-liter, 12-cyllinder, 1000 HP engine which makes it the fastest legal production car in the world, Duff's model is built around the Cougar's 2.5 liter, 170 HP V6 engine. The Veyron can reach speeds of 260 miles an hour; the Cougatti probably 120.

Duff is asking $89,000 for his car, but one can foresee a scenario where the new owner might get a nasty cease and desist letter from VW. If you can't copy music or movies for your own use, doesn't the same law apply to Bugatti copies? Never mind the legalities. I tip my hat to Mr. Duff. What will he think of next?

--BAS

Will we the 'sheeple' ever wake up and tell these dolts "enough is enough"?

2011-07-15T05:08:00.013-07:00

I HAVE A BONE STUCK IN MY CRAW AND AM about to dislodge it, so batten down the hatches. (Ed. note: Starting a missive with two cliches is damned poor writing.)

I've long been a critic of what I call Hellavision, the pap, bile and grime served up daily by such luminaries as Judge Judy, the idiot that emcees the infantile show called Baggage, and weathermen giving the forecast while holding on to a stop sign in a raging windstorm.

Faux News is so bad that I gag whenever I cross its path while channel surfing. And "reality TV" is....well, I can think of no invective strong enough to diss-miss it. But it gets worse. For some reason, info-merical-creep has set in and now I'm really ticked.

Before I tee off, let me say I have no skills to make my television-watching "a better experience", if you'll pardon the expression. I hit the Menu button when I should hit the Guide button, have no idea how to save the two "favorite" channels I watch in the remote's memory, nor could I ever figure out the complexities of watching a DVD movie over top of the vile Nancy Grace.

So I go looking for something intelligent to watch by clicking the ^ b
utton to "surf", the one thing I'm good at as regards TV. And it was during one of these mindless surfing expeditions that I came across a whole whack of info-mercials, two of which were for bras, two of which were for knives, and a whole lot more for jewelery, coins, exercise machines, vegetable choppers, and on and on. So here's the thing. The brainless moguls who dump the crap on us in prime-time are now stuffing every available viewing slot with advertising. And charging outrageous fees for the "package"; fees which seem to increase with every new reality show.

I could do nicely without TV, thank you very much, but there are others who see value in at least some elements of it. The only value I see, aside from Nova and PBS, is buying Magic Hooks. "But wait....if you call RIGHT NOW, we'll double your order. You'll get four hooks for the already low price of two."

--BAS

It was exciting while it lasted, but the air is slowly leaking out of the high-tech science balloon

2011-07-13T12:55:00.001-07:00

THE UNITED STATES' LOVE AFFAIR WITH HIGH-TECH SCIENCE IS OVER, sadly, as yet another project may be on the chopping block.

A committee of Congress is recommending the Webb Telescope project, already well behind schedule and well over budget, be scrapped. This announcement came as the Space Shuttle program's final flight rocketed a diminished crew of four into space on what will be the last launch for some time.

An announced mission to Mars has been cancelled, a return flight to the Moon has been scaled back and NASA's budget is being carved up by Congress. When the estimable Space Telescope, which the Webb Telescope was to replace, eventually stops working, it will be eased from orbit and allowed to burn up over the South Pacific Ocean.

The Superconducting Super Collider, had it been completed in Texas, would have given the U.S. a commanding lead in the search for new subatomic particles. It was cancelled after the expenditure of millions, and the Large Hadron Collider now has that end of the field all to itself.

Development of a new propulsion system for a new generation of spacecraft is continuing, but it might be many years before American manned space launches resume. While there are still a few interplanetary robot spacecraft on the way to their destinations, budget cuts will eliminate all but a few of the proposed future missions.

There's still a flame flickering, though, which may rekindle the pioneering spirit in the American people. Pictures of Chinese and Indian astronauts exploring the Moon's surface may just do that.

--BAS

Nature took a serious swipe at us, but fortunately we came out unscathed

2011-07-09T04:27:00.009-07:00

TWO DAYS AGO WE LOOKED INTO THE MAW of a microburst and it was truly frightening. We're still recovering 36 hours later.

Thursday was warm and sunny, although thunderstorms were forecast for Thursday afternoon and overnight. Liz was in the rubber raft catching some rays and drifting around in the middle of the lake. I was reading, and noticed her pulling quickly for shore but thought nothing of it. She hurried up the hill and pointed to the south.

"There's a storm coming. I could actually smell it out on the lake," she said. There were some ominous clouds just cresting over the horizon and within 10 minutes a ferocious blast of wind and rain pellets, embedded with branches from the shoreline trees, and all manner of other debris, raged ashore.

We started slamming windows and doors shut to keep out the rain, all the while hearing branches snapping off and trees crashing down on the hill behind the cabin above the roar of the wind. The metal roof overhead was being hammered like a drum.

"Look...there goes the paddleboat," shouted Liz, although I was frantically moving my computer and accessories out of the danger zone in the back screened-in porch and didn't see it. Liz watched the 250-pound paddleboat and rubber raft which she'd tied to it cartwheel through the air and land well out in the lake. The wind had snapped the chain which bound the boat to a tree stump about 20 feet from the lake.

I yelled to her to stand near the interior wall in the center of the cabin in case one of the huge trees came down, although I doubt that would have helped much. There's a tall skeleton of what was once a mighty pine tree, killed by lightning a few years ago, on the shoreline and I thought it would snap for sure. The top third of the tree would have landed right in the center of the cabin. Although wrist-sized branches and a few larger limbs were torn off by the wind, the tree managed to stay upright.

The microburst was over as quickly as it struck although it was still raining bullets when we headed out into the waves to rescue the paddleboat and rubber raft. Within 10 minutes the sun was out again. On the way back to shore we could see three large trees down along the shore within 100 yards of the dock, and a survey showed at least seven or eight small to medium size trees down in the immediate vicinity including one about 25 inches in diameter which took out the power and phone lines.

Oddly enough a lounge on the dock and lightweight chairs and tables on the deck weren't even disturbed by the wind. Sometime Friday the lads from the power company replaced the downed wires and we're back in business. But, if you'll pardon the expression, we may not be out of the woods just yet. I heard what must have been a huge tree crash down within earshot of the cabin Friday evening. There were a few that were uprooted but were stopped from falling over by other trees.

The accompanying photos were taken later in the day Thursday as another series of storm cells moved into the area, and the weather has been unsettled ever since. Another batch of photos is here: http://picasaweb.google.com/BrianASmall

--BAS

Leave Only Footprints' photo staff moves into the fast lane

2011-06-25T04:29:00.008-07:00

THERE'S A SAYING THAT I RECALL FROM EARLIER DAYS which comes to mind with the successful installation of OnOne Software's Perfect Photo Suite on the Leave Only Footprints 'Super Computer' *TM. "Dynamite comes in small packages."

Perfect Photo nestles unobtrusively within Adobe Photoshop, like a mongoose in the bush, waiting to strike any unsuspecting photograph which is slightly out of focus, listless or over-exposed. As of today, the LOF photography staff will no longer be sliding dull, lifeless shots across the editor's desk for consideration.

Adobe Photoshop CS 5 is the Bugatti of photo editing software; Perfect Photo is the Lamborghini. I took the Lamborghini for a test run last night and the results were astonishing. I opened a raw image and ran it through PhotoTools. It emerged after 15 minutes much better than the one I'd done in Photoshop. The photo of a duck (right) had pop and was razor sharp, making my Photoshopped version look amateurish.

Perfect Photo Suite consists of seven individual programs, from masking to professional image enlargement to the real gem, PhotoTools, which boasts almost 400 photo effects. My budget could only handle PhotoTools, at $129, when I decided last week to buy it. But OnOne cast a lure on the water, right under my nose, offering the entire suite, regularly priced at $499.95, for half price.

I bit.

But instead of getting seven individually boxed software disks, as advertised, the entire suite arrived via UPS in a rather nondescript box and on one rather nondescript DVD. First impressions were not good but once it was installed, I was won over immediately. Not only that, but I already upgraded each of the programs to the latest versions at no cost in a painless process that took only 20 minutes.

There are steep learning curves ahead, but that's nothing to worry about. The Lamborghini is gassed up and purring in the driveway. All that's required is some nice weather to take photos. (It's rained almost every day for the last three weeks.)

--BAS

This gal who knows money says to look for a risk haven

2011-06-16T07:09:00.008-07:00

INVESTORS MUST BE A LOT SMARTER THAN I THOUGHT. Here's some advice in today's Globe and Mail for those who trade in currency.

"The technical breakdown of most risk assets, combined with a deteriorating and fragile fundamental backdrop is negative for most currencies in the near-term (EUR, CAD, AUD, etc) and positive the USD and other risk havens like JPY and even the European-exposed CHF," Camilla Sutton, Scotia Capital's 'chief currency strategist', wrote in a note.
Her trading idea for today: "Long USDCAD at 0.9860, looking for a test to parity, with a stop loss at yesterday’s open of 0.9682," she writes. "The trade is on the back of a breakdown in technicals and a spike in risk aversion."

My cash is staying stuffed in that old sneaker for the time being until I can decide if she's saying spend or save.

(PS: Wouldn't it be helpful if the school curriculum included a mandatory course in handling money?)

--BAS

The Vancouver Cannots' futility on the ice triggers an outbreak of violence

2011-06-16T06:10:00.006-07:00

A BLACK DAY FOR VANCOUVER AND A REAL SHINER FOR THE CITY after the lawlessness and rioting which followed the Canucks' loss to the Bruins in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals last night.

So much for sportsmanship, both off the ice and on. The Canucks showed a distinct lack of class during the game, which didn't go unnoticed by the pro-Bruins commentators who were reporting back to the U.S. via NBC.

The video and photos of the mob, many wearing Canucks' sweaters, show a frenzied pack of mostly young men smashing and burning because their team lost in the cup finals (for the third time, BTW). About the only good thing which happened all night was the fans didn't boo the U.S. national anthem, which I fully expected.

Violence following sports events is nothing new, although it is spreading like an oil slick. Soccer has its hooligans and referee-beatings. Baseball has assaults in the stands and in parking lots. Football is grotesquely bloated with drugs and millionaire players who don't give a damn. Basketball isn't a real sport but has its a fair share of loopy players and fans too.

Then there's the Olympics, which was and may still be rife with corruption at the top and operating under the shadow of sins past. (Can anyone explain why some athletes who admit using performance-enhancing drugs to win medals have been allowed to keep them?)

Sports, like religion, has become "an opiate for the masses" and shows no signs of relinquishing its addiction. Unfortunately only one team can win The Trophy, and some people live their entire lives without seeing it on display in their city. A sports announcer I used to know always ended his TV show with this: "If you can't play a sport, be one." Sorry, Max, many people didn't get the message.

--BAS

Leaving the shore of reality to dive back into the uncharted and mysterious waters of fractals

2011-05-29T07:15:00.013-07:00

BACK IN 2003 I WAS WORKING ON A MOVIE ABOUT THE astonishing art work on display and the emergence of digital artists who create it at the web site Renderosity. One of the genres, fractals, interested me particularly. Encouraged by an artist I met at the site, I started creating my own with mixed results. Some were very good (so I was told) and some were very bad (so I wasn't told.)

The movie got sidetracked for two months as I devoted most of my spare time exploring the surprising creations which emerge from the complex mathematical formulas that define them. Like snowflakes, no two fractals are alike and a small tweak in one of the parameters can result in a spiral, for example, which is unique and being seen for the first time in human history. That's appealing, since there are few things you can pick up these days that don't have scores of generations' fingerprints all over them.

In simplest terms, a fractal is geometric shape which is formed by smaller identical shapes. When you dive into a fractal, which some programs allow, you see the gorgeous multi-colored spiral you've just created is made up of smaller identical spirals and no matter how long you watch, although the patterns change every second, everything is made up of smaller spirals. As you might expect, the inner workings of fractal creation programs is very complicated for something constructed with square roots, cosines and tangents.

Fractal geometry, which was discovered in the 1800s, was refined in 1975 by Benoit Mandelbrot, at the time a professor of mathematics at Yale, and the iconic fractal (left) he created to show the "Mandelbrot Set" is familiar to most people. Using a free fractal program, anyone can begin to explore the interior of the fractal, which is entered in the area at the edge of the black circles.

Mandelbrot passed away not long ago, but no doubt he'd be amazed at how far fractal creation has come. And so was I...after a few years my interest switched to photography and I pushed fractals to the back burner. However, an article about 3D geometric shapes with the Mandelbulb fractal program caught my eye and now I'm hooked again. The image at the top was created with a new program called Mandelblub 3D. It took me some time to find the program so I've uploaded it to my Skydrive site, here:

http://cid-77a16736b6cfee16.office.live.com/documents.aspx

It needs an "unzip" program to open once it's downloaded. And anyone who does so and gets it working might be intimidated but don't be. Four or five hours of poking around will start to produce results. I have no idea what my Constructo-bots image is supposed to be, but it took three hours to build and required 45 minutes to render on a quad-core computer.

I've uploaded a dozen or so new fractals made with three software programs at my Picasa web site here:

https://picasaweb.google.com/BrianASmall

Also, I have some documentation available for both Mandelbulb 3D and another free fractal program, Fractalbulber. Email me if you're interested.

--BAS

I know I'm dating myself, but somehow Ed Sullivan looks just fine in retrospect

2011-05-27T04:46:00.002-07:00

NOW, HOW IN THE DEUCE DID I MISS THE season finale of American Idol? Apparently it was the most hyped TV event of the year and included guest star performers Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Carrie Underwood, Marc Anthony, Tim McGraw, Judas Priest, Kirk Franklin, Gladys Knight, and Bono and the Edge with Reeve Carney.

Come to think of it, the entire season sort of slipped by and I somehow missed every one of the shows. Ditto for the entire 10 years that Idol (it's been on for 10 years???!!!) has been on TV. Well, to be fair, I did take in the last half of the first season's season finale to see what all the hype was about. Back then, as now, the judges seem to loom larger than the performers. To whit, the guy named Caldwell, an acid-tongued critic who would have sliced and diced Roy Orbison, jumped the ship which made him famous and now has his own show, to debut next fall. I know I'm in the minority, but this stuff is just not my cup of tea.

Another season of Dancing With The Stars has gone by the board too and I can say I have no idea who won, although it was probably another skater or running back. Now if the producers would just adopt the format from one of the shows I DID watch occasionally.

"Audience, what did you think of Sarah Palin and Elton John's final dance performance?" GONG. SPLASH.

"Oh, Ms Palin. I'm so sorry. I just can 't believe the audience did that to you. Have you found your over-sized glasses in the bottom of the pool yet, Mr. John?"

Seems to me American Idol is sort of like one huge commercial to promote the winners' inevitable records. And a commercial filled with regular, annoying commercials at that.

And by the way, 29.3 million viewers can't be wrong, but I could be wrong.

--BAS

Photo honored at art web site Renderosity

2011-05-24T03:23:00.013-07:00

MY PHOTO OF A YOUNG HARRIS'S HAWK luxuriating in the sun has won 'best of last week' honors at Renderosity, an on-line web site to which I upload.

There's a family of four Harris's Hawks--two adults and two juveniles--causing mayhem in the area where the parents are building a new nest not far from here. The two young hawks are apparently from last year's brood. The adults have picked one of the largest and bushiest trees around in which to construct the nest so to photograph the birds, you have to either get them in the air or when they land to roost in a less dense tree.

You never have to worry about missing a flight of one of the Harris's. There's aways an entourage of from five to 15 birds in pursuit, dive-bombing and actually landing on the hawks in flight as the much smaller birds attempt to drive the hawks away. It seems they eat baby birds right out of nests, as well as rabbits and mice.

I waited more than two hours for the young hawk to fly from its perch in the tree (it didn't while was watching) but I got a few shots of it preening and stretching. Here's the link to Renderosity's 'Last Week In The Gallery' page with what were deemed the best shots among the hundreds uploaded by photographers from all over the world.

http://www.renderosity.com/mod/forumpro/showthread.php?thread_id=2828345&page=1

Take a peek if you have a minute...look for the "Be sure to visit the full collage with integrated links here" button for best views of all the images.

My Picasa web site has one album of photos of the hawks being hounded by other birds, as well as many shots of the ferocious Harris's in flight here:

https://picasaweb.google.com/BrianASmall

We're heading north for the summer in a less than a week so I won't get a chance to photograph the young hawks learning to fly but maybe this will be the year I get a shot of the cougars near the cabin in Idaho.

--BAS

You can just imagine the cleaning going on in Heaven before the guests arrive tomorrow

2011-05-20T05:11:00.005-07:00

AT LEAVE ONLY FOOTPRINTS' MONTHLY STAFF meeting Thursday, one of our summer interns asked an intelligent and practical question. What do you pack if you're one of the chosen who are drawn up to Heaven during tomorrow's 'Rapture'?"

"Like, I was talking to my friend," she said, " and I go: 'What should I wear?' I'm, like: 'Do I need to pack for the trip? What should I take?'"

Hmmmmm. Well, for starters, one of those old Apollo space suits might come in handy, although I doubt the Smithsonian would be willing to loan any they have. Probably some Trail Mix, at least a gallon of water, sunblock for sure, and a Bible to bone up on Religious Stuff in case there's some kind of admittance test. Wouldn't do to get there and then be un-Raptured.

I told her she needn't worry about money. I'll make sure she gets her meager holiday pay accrued so far and a bonus if she promises to send regular reports from the trip, particularly the Heaven scene.

"Tell us what it's like up(?) there, vis a vis golf courses and Virgins," I suggested. "And the food. The food in Heaven must be divine. Oh, and do up something on how God fits in all the Faithful beside him. There must be a pecking order of who gets RIGHT beside Him. And is everything free, or does God charge for the consumables you eat? What about taxes? And gas prices?"

Now I'm thinking this assignment might be too much for an intern. After all, she's only been with us since May 1. But she'll have to do. There's no chance that any of the regular staff at Leave Only Footprints will be Rapturing anywhere. Besides, some of us guys have plans to meet at the sports bar tomorrow to watch our beloved Red Sox play just about the time the Rapture starts.

God, who is reported to be really smart, will understand our priorities down here.

--BAS

Some of the rich and famous are falling on hard times.

2011-05-17T04:39:00.013-07:00

SWEEPING UP THE CRUMBS AFTER A MONUMENTAL DAY of feasting on the bad luck and worse judgment by the rich and famous.

International Money Fund's head honcho is a guest of New York City jurisprudence after what police say was an attack on a maid in his $3,000-a-night hotel room. He'll be staying in a jail cell until further notice, and he may be dismayed to find out there's no room service. Not to make light of the alleged incident, but this just goes to prove that money can't buy everything.

The twins Vinkelvoss have been told to go home and count their money and stop bothering people. Unhapppy with a $65 million cash and stock settlement in their suit against Facebook's Mark Zuckerburg, they went fishing for more money. The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals on Monday rejected the twins’ request to have an 11-judge panel review its earlier ruling. It did not provide a reason. Somebody should suggest the twins do something about the matching clothes in which their mother dresses them, and which makes them look like dorky Harvard grads. Oh, wait. They ARE Harvard grads.

The millionaire would-be part-time catcher Posada and his millionaire shortstop friend Jeter, both sliding slowly past their prime, had the New York Yankees brass in a tizzy. Devastated because he was asked to hit 9th (because he isn't hitting) instead of 7th or 8th, a task for which he is paid some $73,000 per game to do, Posada pouted and opted to sit out. Jeter, who one thought had more sense, said he didn't blame Posada. The Yankee brain trust, including one guy named Steinbrenner, which pays both players' salaries, summoned Jeter to a conference call where the matter was discussed and our hero was no doubt chastised. Meanwhile, Posada, who did a mea culpa and admitted he made a mistake and was ready to play again, was benched for two consecutive games because he can't hit lefties (or is it righties?) as well as righties (or is it lefties?), which he doesn't hit much better. Meanwhile, the Yankees last night lost their 6th straight game. Jeter had no hits and Posada sat by the water cooler. It's so damn hard to hate the Yankees these days what with all the entertainment they're providing.

Here's the lead on another story out of New York today which may, just may, be the first broadside in a war on the piggish Wall Street banks.

"The New York attorney general has requested information from three major Wall Street banks about their mortgage securities operations during the credit boom."

YES!!!

...AND THIS JUST IN. He won't be back after all. Arnold Schwarzenegger has revealed he fathered a child with a member of his household staff 10 years ago. It was apparently the reason why his marriage to Maria Shriver ended abruptly.

--BAS

Watching Nature at work while studying the secret life of bees

2011-05-15T05:07:00.017-07:00

ONE OF MY FAVORITE ALBUMS OF ALL TIME WAS the quirky vinyl released in 1979 by Stevie Wonder called A Journey Thorough "The Secret Life of Plants". Yesterday, while hovering over Prickly Pear blossoms and photographing one of Nature's most interesting and vital techniques for survival, I came face to face with the secret life of bees.

I've taken hundreds of macro photos of honey bees at work before, but yesterday, I noticed something unsual. Every one of the hundreds that visited the little patch of Prickly Pear with eight or nine blossoms came from the same direction, arrived at the same blossom every time, and followed the same route from flower to flower. It was almost like the little worker bees were using GPS.

When they left, they always departed from the same blossom (not the same flower at which they arrived either). While checking the blossoms, the bees frenetically followed the same route from flower to flower, in a circular pattern, and rarely stopped to collect pollen. Some did the same circuit twice. They all flew back in the same direction from which they'd come.

Every once in a while, one of the bees would suddenly dive head-first into the stamens of a blossom and thrash about for five or six seconds, emerge covered with tiny grains of pollen, and immediately fly away. As I said, however, most bees just made the circuit and left without stopping. There was no way to predict which one would actually gather pollen.

I figure the first few bees to visit the Prickly Pear Cactus each day return to the hive and somehow tell the others how to locate the food source and which blossoms are open. Using that information, the workers leave the hive and retrace the route to the flowers. What I couldn't figure out was why so many bees waste so much energy flying to and from the hive without collecting pollen.

More research is needed, and the laboratory opens at sun-up. More photos of bees at work here: https://picasaweb.google.com/104166044530852060595/PollenPoachers#

--BAS

The Never-Ending Story: More shifts and dekes off the ice in the Coyotes' saga

2011-05-06T08:22:00.002-07:00

ANYONE OUT THERE IN SASKATCHEWAN OR ALBERTA WHO GREW up playing hockey on frozen ponds wonder how we got here from there? Here's the latest on Arizona's Phoenix Coyotes debacle.

" ...a smaller municipal bond sale (may be) part of the new bid..."

"Moody’s Investors Services withdrew its rating on the original bond offering ..."

......"the Goldwater Institute, a public watchdog group, vowed to go to court to block (the sale)..."

"The sale will...go through U.S. bankruptcy court as quickly as possible..."

“I am expecting (a revised deal with Hulsizer to come before council on Tuesday)..."

And so it goes. The only skating and stick-handling in Arizona is being conducted by politicians, financiers and lawyers. Sad but true. Meanwhile, the fate of two dozen millionaire hockey players is up in the air. They'll all collect their pay cheques next year, in one city or another, but the fans, who finance this ill-conceived enterprise in the desert are still swinging in the breeze.

"He shoots, he SCORES," legendary Maple Leafs announcer Foster Hewitt used to tell millions in Canada, listening in on radios or watching on black and white TVs. Now that phrase, at least in Arizona, could best be used to describe the successful money-man should this enterprise continue in the desert.

--BAS

Add this name to the list of those you don't want to get mad at you. Seals.

2011-05-05T03:14:00.008-07:00

THE CHRONOLOGY AND EVENTS INSIDE THE COMPOUND DURING THE Bin Laden raid are becoming clearer as more details are released daily. My interest centered particularly on the Seals who took part in the mission, and an article in today's New York Times contains a great deal of information which was new to me.

Here are some facts from the story, by Elisabeth Bumiller, which I borrowed.

--Seal teams are numbered from 1 to 5, and from 7 to 10. Team 6 is comprised of the best men from each group, or what has been called a Seal "all-star team". Seals stands for Sea Air Land, although it falls under the aegis of the U.S. Navy.

--"All Seal members face years of brutal preparation, including a notorious six months of basic underwater demolition training in Coronado, Calif. During “hell week,” recruits get a total of four hours of sleep during five and a half days of nonstop running, swimming in the cold surf and rolling in mud. About 80 percent of the candidates do not make it; at least one has died.

"For those who succeed, more training and then deployments follow. After several years on regular Seal teams, Team 6 candidates are taught to parachute from 30,000 feet with oxygen masks and gain control of a hijacked cruise liner at sea. Of those Seal members, about half make it."

--"The cache the Seal team recovered from the Bin Laden compound included more than 100 storage devices — DVDs, thumb drives and computer discs — as well as 5 computers and 10 computer hard drives."

You can imagine the chaos this has caused among al-Qaeda members. Realizing the jig is up, at least one of the top terrorists has turned himself in. You could also bet that applicants will be flocking to recruiting stations to join the Seals.

The entire article is here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/05/world/middleeast/05seals.html?_r=1&hp

--BAS

Quebec voters turf out most of the separatist members of Parliament

2011-05-03T04:01:00.006-07:00

THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE IN QUEBEC LAST NIGHT OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS but nary a building was levelled nor a china cabinet rattled. In fact, when the dust settled, it was the federal separatist party, Bloc Quebecois, which was virtually wiped out by disconcerted French-Canadian voters.

Political observers predicted the Bloc would lose some of its 47 seats; no one, including the myopic Leave Only Footprints veteran election-watchers, could have predicted the Quebec-based party which has pushed separation from Canada for more than 20 years, would end up with 4.

Even the party's tub-thumping, pot-stirring leader, Guilles Duceppe, lost his seat in the election. Although Duceppe fought hard for separation by Quebec from Canada, he hasn't yet (and will certainly not) refuse the $100k+-a-year pension he'll receive for the rest of his life compliments of the Canadian Taxpayer. Most of the other 42 departing BQ card-carriers (those who have been in office for six years) will also qualify for pensions.

Here's the thing. If a business with 308 employees had just one who was paid big bucks to break up the company, heads would roll, from the top down. You could be sure the troublemaker would be frog-marched from the premises post-haste. In Canada, the trouble-makers occupied 47 of the 308 seats in the ornate House of Commons, and now they'll do quite nicely, financially speaking, on their way out the door.

By the way, one in three Quebecois voted for separatist candidates last night, so that ugly sore on the face of Canada will not heal soon.

Other major election surprises were the meltdown of the Liberal Party, which finished 3rd for the first time ever, and the success of the New Democratic Party, which will form the official opposition for the first time ever. Not surprising was the third consecutive win for the Progressive Conservatives, although this time they'll operate with a majority.

--BAS

Terrorists hide behind a woman to try to save their necks

2011-05-02T04:40:00.006-07:00

THE HEAD OF THE SNAKE HAS BEEN CHOPPED OFF, and the world, for the most part, rejoices. But there are still lots of vipers in the nest.

IRONY OF IRONIES: A terrorist who fought the Russians and the Americans for 25 years in the desert is buried at sea.

IRONY OF IRONIES: A desert fighter who probably never was at sea is taken down by a crack team of Navy Seals.

IRONY OF IRONIES: Bin Laden, the man believed to be hiding in tunnels, turns up in a luxurious mansion built, it appears, specifically for him.

IRONY OF IRONIES: While their leader lived in the mansion, many of his foot-soldiers hid in caves and bunkers.

IRONY OF IRONIES: They knew not where he was, said the Pakistanis of bin Laden, but he was living right under their noses. A lot of Pakistanis seem to have blind eyes, which they conveniently turned in the direction of bin Laden. The blind eyes are all black today.

IRONY OF IRONIES: In the end, the terrorists and killers of thousands hid behind a woman to try to save their necks.

IRONY OF IRONIES: The president accused by many of being too soft on terrorists was intimately involved in planning the attack to kill bin Laden. (Trump that, Donald.)

IRONY OF IRONIES: Mission Accomplished headlines appear again. And again prematurely?

Some day the full story of how the U.S. got bin Laden will be known, but one big question looms. How could a flight of three or four helicopters penetrate Pakistani air space from a base in Afganistan and not be attacked?

--BAS

Here's some help for those trying to figure out who's running the show in England

2011-04-29T05:29:00.006-07:00

WITH ALL THE KERFUFFLE BACK ON THE 'AULD SOD' TODAY OVER THE Royal Wedding, Leave Only Footprints felt it germane to step in and sort some things out, peerage-wise, for our North American readers.

For example, most people don't know if a Duke can boss around a Viscount, or a whether a Baroness gets first dibs on dress color over a Countess.

And how many people know that Queen Elizabeth would be a Princess if somehow her husband, the Prince, had become King?

Here's a definitive list of the major players in Merry Old England, both male and female, in order of importance.

King married to Princess (King is boss, depending on demeanor of Princess)

Queen married to Prince (Queen is boss, " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " Prince)

Prince married to Queen (see above)

Princess married to King (see above)

Duke married to Dutchess

LOF COMMENT--The present Prince, Philip, who is married to the Queen, Elizabeth, is actually called Duke of Edinburgh, and from the above, should really be married to a Dutchess. It looks like a Queen can be whatever she wants.

Marquess married to Marchioness

Earl married to Countess

Viscount married to Viscountess

Baron married to Baroness

LOF COMMENT: Some of our more seasoned readers might recall a 1960s song called "Duke of Earl" by Gene Chandler, which would seem to cross over the lines (see above) but trust us, it had nothing at all to do with the pecking order and is far too convoluted to explain here.

If one settles into an easy chair and blanks out all else, it isn't hard to visualize a scenario in which many members of the aristrocracy are gathered at somebody's castle to discuss an upcoming vote in the House.

"Ahhhhhhhhh, Vicount Pillbury. How is the Vicountess? Well, I hope." "Yes indeed, Marquess, she is fine. And may I enquire after the Marchioness?" "She's well. And may I ask how the Dutchess is faring after her hip surgery, Duke Ellington?" "The Dutchess is back on her feet and improving daily. And is the Marchioness persuing her passion for painting, Marquess of Queensbury?" And on and on.

You get the picture. All one would need to participate intelligently in the banter would be one of those little palm-size cards that novice poker players use: {A King beats two Vicounts..."}

--BAS

Photo: The Royal Family in 1880.

ET, don't phone back. The line has been disconnected.

2011-04-27T05:04:00.005-07:00

...AND IN OTHER NEWS BESIDES THE ROYAL WEDDING, the much-touted SETI project to listen for alien communication signals has fallen on hard times and is mothballed for the time being.

Scientific American reports: "The hunt for extraterrestrial life just lost one of its best tools. The Allen Telescope Array (ATA), a field of radio dishes in rural northern California built to seek out transmissions from distant alien civilizations, has been shuttered, at least temporarily, as its operators scramble to find a way to continue to fund it."

Fund-raisers are hitting the pavement looking for operating money to continue listening for evidence of other intelligent life in the Universe. My guess is the SA article will generate enough interest that the $2 to $3 million needed each year will be met, at least on the short term.

Hope somebody calls Steven Spielberg for a donation. His movie about an alien child nick-named ET who was marooned on Earth made almost $800 million. It would be a serious shame to let this search for extraterrestrial life die. Although so far it's found no evidence for other civilizations, that in itself tells us something. We humans may be unique.

Whether or not we are, millions of minutes of footage from the Royal Wedding will soon be hurtling through space.

--BAS

From the (digital) cutting room floor, a second look

2011-04-26T04:14:00.006-07:00

From Fine Feathered Friends

A photo I took in 2009 (above) was selected one of the best uploaded last week to web art site Renderosity. It's the second time in three weeks that one of my photos was picked for Renderosity's "Last Week in the Gallery" feature.

The site's photography judges select 30 photographs from the hundreds uploaded each week "for a second look".

The original photograph I took in the mist and rain of seagulls along the Oregon coast was seriously underexposed, so I just skipped by the digital image on my computer. I came across the shot last week while searching the album for something else and realized it was a wasn't a bad photo if I could repair the exposure. I did, in Photoshop, and ran it through a neat filter which made the airborne gulls seem to pop out of the photo.

Last Week In The Gallery is here:

http://backroom.renderosity.com/~photo/LWitG_11/2011_LWitG_17.html

--BAS

Limerick*****

2011-04-25T03:37:00.007-07:00

There was an young sailor named Bates,
Who danced the Fandango on skates.
But a fall on his cutlass
rendered him nutless,
and practically useless on dates.

(Contributed by Vanessa)

***** Limerick

2011-04-24T05:57:00.002-07:00

There was a young girl from Rabat,
who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;
It was fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding,
When she found she had no tit for Tat.

(Contributed by Terry Walsh)

This guy, as they say, has "issues"

2011-04-24T05:14:00.002-07:00

NEWS REPORT: "Dolphins Pro Bowl receiver Brandon Marshall was released from the hospital Saturday after what police said was a domestic-violence incident in which he was stabbed by his wife with a kitchen knife Friday in the Miami area."

NOTE: He's OK after having a hole in his stomach stitched up. His wife, Michi Nogami-Marshall, 26, is not doing so well. She was charged with aggravated battery using a deadly weapon. "Marshall was discharged later in the day and "expected to make a full recovery," according to his publicist, Denise White."

His publicist???

NOTE: There's more. "This is a very difficult time for Brandon and family, thankfully he will make a full recovery," Marshall's agents, Kennard McGuire and Harvey Steinberg, said in a statement. "We simply ask that his privacy is respected."

His agents???

NOTE: There's more. "Marshall was suspended by (Denver) for the entire 2009 preseason after a series of behaviors detrimental to the team. The final straw came when a Denver television station filmed Marshall walking when his teammates were running, punting a football in protest and swatting away balls during a training-camp passing drill.

"Marshall was also one of the instigators of the fight that led to teammate Darrent Williams' shooting death on New Year's Eve in 2006.

"And Marshall's history of arrests includes disorderly conduct, drunken driving, and a number of incidents of alleged domestic violence."

NOTE: This is one bad-ass dude who really should add a behavioral counselor, a feminist advocate and a full-time lawyer to his team of personal advisers. I'm sure he could afford them, seeing's he's got a five-year, $50 million contract to catch footballs.

--BAS

Is that a vapor trail, or is it a trail of ashes behind that plane?

2011-04-21T06:23:00.007-07:00

THE PHOENIX COYOTES HOCKEY TEAM MAY FINALLY BE LEAVING THE valley of the sun and returning to Winnipeg, from whence it came, and to an uncertain future.

For two years, the pro team has been staying, then going, and back and forth until it's become a bitter joke. You leave your rye and ginger sitting around here unattended and the ice will melt within minutes. So it's almost bizarre that the brain trust trying to give the ice hockey sport credibility and more visibility in the United States would have chosen Phoenix to relocate the Winnipeg Jets in the first place.

Most cities in North America seem to rally around winning teams and for the most part ignore those which aren't (Toronto excepted) and that may have been the case here, although two sold-out games for the opening round of the playoffs would indicate otherwise. It was all for naught, as the Coyotes lost both games and were eliminated from the playoffs.

Will the team rise from the ashes of Phoenix, like the Phoenix after which it's named, and fly north as the Jets? Or will another year of uncertainty hang like sweaty long-johns over the Coyotes? Money (not time) will tell.

--BAS

This slde show on the Dornier flying boat is now in the clouds

2011-04-14T04:00:00.006-07:00

A WHILE BACK MY UNCLE, GLEN MORRIS, PASSED ALONG an interesting Power Point presentation he'd found on the internet. It was about the maiden flight of a massive 12-engine flying boat, the Dornier DO-X, in 1931.

The plane was at that time the largest aircraft ever built, and its first flight was a multi-continent trip from Germany. One of the stops included Rio de Janerio, where the colorful and charismatic American Clara Adams boarded and became the first female passenger.

Adams was a aeronautical pioneer of sorts and flew in many historic airships. One of Clara’s most memorable journeys took place in 1928 when the Graf Zeppelin made its first trip from Europe to the United States and back. Clara was the first woman to buy a ticket to fly across the Atlantic, paying the price of $3,000. She was the only woman on the trip on the flight lasting 71 hours.

My uncle included a notation with the PowerPoint slide show that he had seen the German zeppelin flying overhead when he was a lad in Prescott, Ontario.

I saved the slide show for reasons which escape me, but it's now safely in the 'clouds' and available to anyone who wants to take a look. I opened a free Windows LiveDrive internet storage site today and uploaded the piece. It's here:

http://cid-77a16736b6cfee16.office.live.com/browse.aspx/The%20Maiden%20of%20a%20Maiden%20Flight

There's an interesting article on Clara Adams here:

http://www.utdallas.edu/library/collections/speccoll/hacpdf/AddamsAddition.pdf

--BAS

If it's Spring, you can be sure the Leafs have already fallen

2011-04-12T06:57:00.005-07:00

SOME DAYS A GUY NEEDS A WHACK OF SERIOUS HUMOR to kick-start the morning (after the caffeine jolt, of course) and today was a bonanza for guffaws. It was at the expense of the Toronto Maple Leafs, a pro hockey team which could easily win a National Hockey League golf tournament, seeing's they're always hitting from the first tee about the time the other teams square off for the Stanley Cup.

Ron Wilson is the coach of the Leafs. He's also one of the most surly of all the NHL coaches, and one of the least successful. He's never coached a Stanley Cup winner, and the Leafs have missed the playoffs three consecutive years under his guidance (and six years in a row all told.)

So on to the humor.

“We’re probably two or three pieces from being a true contender,” Wilson said, according to the Globe and Mail, during his final media address of the season. “But I’m talking a contender, not for the playoffs. I’m talking contender for the Stanley Cup. And it may come from within. You don’t know.”

If the pieces included Gretzky, Lemieux and Crosby, he might have a point. But it says here that if Wilson ever makes it to the finals, he'll be coaching from a wheelchair, under a pile of blankets.

Through a camera lens, darkly

2011-04-12T02:37:00.004-07:00

MY PHOTOGRAPH OF THE GILA WOODPECKER (two blogs down) has been named one of the best 30 of last week at online art site Renderosity, and will also be tomorrow's Nature Picture of the Day.

Unfortunately it was just about the time I took the shot that my camera's mirror became unhinged, and the Nikon is in for repairs at the moment. It will mark the longest time without a camera in 25 years. Sure, I still have a very expensive film camera somewhere, but no lenses. They were gobbled up by Minolta camera enthusiasts the moment I put them up for sale on Craig's List. I refused to take only $25 or $30 for the camera, which is the current going rate for what was a $600 rig back in the day.

& & &

There are two or three new Nikon models being released later this year, including at least one which won't have a mirror. New technology!!! Actually it would be great not to have to hear the slap-slap-slap of the mirror raising and lowering eight times a second as you try to keep up with a bird in flight. Unless a long-lost uncle I've never met kicks the bucket and leaves me some green, I'll not be spending $3-$4k on another camera body.

Sometimes it takes bad luck to get lucky

2011-04-09T00:43:00.008-07:00

YESTERDAY TURNED OUT TO BE A DAY full of surprises, and all mostly good surprises at that. First, the good news. Believe it or not, I bought a book I've been wanting for months AND SAVED $70!!!

The bad news: My beloved Nikon D300 camera had to be rushed to a 'digital doctor' named C.R.I.S. for emergency surgery to repair a sticky mirror. For Digital Single-lens Reflex Cameras, sticky mirrors are not a good thing. The mirror is designed to be down so you can see the subject you're photographing through the eyepiece, then flip up out of the way so the camera can take the photo when you push the shutter release button. (The nice young man at the very professional camera hospital in Chandler, Az., says they'll call with an estimate to repair and clean the Nikon Monday or Tuesday, but warned I'll be without it for at least three weeks.)

Had it not been for the ailing camera, we wouldn't have seen the banner. On the return trip from Chandler we made a few stops, one at a large mall which included a Border's Book Store...one with a gargantuan banner across the entire store-front with five-foot-tall letters telling everyone within miles they were having a "Going Out Of Business Sale."
(Borders has filed for bankruptcy and is closing about one-third of its stores.)

Most of the stock was already gone, replaced by bare walls and empty racks, but a few minutes browsing was promising. I wonder, thought I, if they by any chance have Gary Trudeau's "40: A Doonesbury Retrospective." Naaaaa. Even though it's $100, it would have been among the first books to sell out. Particularly since everything in the store was marked down AT LEAST 60 per cent. Some books were 70 per cent off; others were marked down by 80 per cent.

Damned if they didn't have two copies. I elbowed my way past a couple of would-be rivals and wrested one away, then deked and jinked to an island of safety behind a barrier of empty racks, well away from the raucous mob to make sure the book wasn't a knock-off or a fake. (It would be difficult to fake, actually, as the Retrospective is huge in size, contains more than 700 pages and weighs just over 10 pounds--certainly not 'loo library' reading material.)

Satisfied I had a legitimate copy, I went to the bored man at the cash register to pay. "Seventy per cent off, plus another 10 per cent," he mumbled. What? ANOTHER 10??? All total, taxes in, I bought the book for just under $30.

My plan was to read 10 pages (each page has five cartoon strips) a day for 70 days, but last night I got caught up revisiting my friends of 35 years and burned through a week's worth before I came to my senses. Unfortunately this book contains only 13 per cent of Trudeau's 14,000 published panels. If it did contain them all, this coffee table book could actually serve as a coffee table.

--BAS

P.S.--Here are two of Trudeau's best lines ever to see print and they form a hilarious 'left hook-right cross' combination you don't see coming, but which you will never forget. One of his occasional characters, a female U.S. senator, dies and as she passes from earth to heaven, is greeted by a male friend who has arrived somewhat ahead of her. As the strip gets dim, and then turns black except for voice balloons, Lacy Davenport's friend Dick assures her they are in heaven. Lacey, independent as ever, says: “What hideous drapes.” Whispers Dick: “Shh! Mrs. God picked them out.”

Musing in the solitude of the nearby cactus garden

2011-04-06T05:15:00.005-07:00

From Desert Feathered Friends

IT'S NESTING TIME IN THE DESERT, AND WATCHING scores of birds flying to and from nest cavities in Giant Saguaro Cactii, you wonder how it's possible that such a complex scenario even works.

You're left with more questions than answers after watching the frenetic activity play out before your eyes.

How do birds know to clean out their chosen nest cavities after they were abandoned by last year's tenants? Are there instances where one partner doesn't participate in the messy and tedious job of removing the detritus?

How do parents know where to look for bugs or worms to feed their hatchlings? Or is finding a good source of food just luck? How do parents deal with a hatchling which is born deformed or blind? They must sense that one is not like the others and feeding it would be a waste of time and energy, but I've never seen any babies pulled from the nest.

How can a bird fly at top speed and land on a thorny cactus branch without losing an eye or impaling a foot? Where do Hummingbirds with no access to feeders find food in winter when there are no flowers or bugs to eat?

We blithely write all this off as "instinct" gained over thousands of generations, but is it really that simple? Surely some species must have enough intelligence to figure things out "on the fly", but is that information added to the pool of knowledge we call instinct?

So many questions.............but so many good photo opportunities. The Gila Woodpecker (above) and many more desert birds live at my Picasa photo site here: https://picasaweb.google.com/104166044530852060595/DesertFeatheredFriends#

Happy musing.

--BAS

Where was this preacher's god when these innocent people were being slaughtered?

2011-04-03T05:04:00.002-07:00

THERE'S SOMETHING SERIOUSLY OUT OF WHACK WHEN YOU go to prison for refusing to pay your income tax, but don't even get a slap on the wrist for deliberately inciting riots in which more than a dozen have been killed.

If you're pulled over for driving 40 miles over the speed limit, you're going to get hit hard in the wallet. Burn a Koran and you get off scott free.

Sure, you'll get hundreds of death threats and have to start carrying a gun, but wackos can be expected to be packing heat anyway, even if one or two happen to be "men of the cloth". We're reluctant to give the very "Rev." Terry Jones any more publicity, the one thing this warped and crumpled man has left after his idiotic bleating about radical Muslims. He's so twisted that he included Arabic subtitles to the streamed video he created when he burned the Koran at his Dove World Outreach Center in Gainsville, Fla.

It wasn't heat from the fire which caused most of the church's faithful to melt away, but the heat from an international community outraged by his lunacy. (A Gainsville official had hastily changed the fire code to prevent Jones from burning the Koran outdoors, so the "Rev." burned it in his church, with a member of the fire department watching.)

He's also planning to lead an anti-Islam demonstration in front of the largest mosque in the U.S., in Dearborn, Michigan, April 22, so this man is bound to cause more mayhem.

His church is for sale, his furniture business finished, his income has dropped to a pittance and the man appears ruined. He probably still owns a mirror, but I doubt he has the courage to look at his reflection. I KNOW he doesn't have the courage to open a Dove World Center in Afghanistan.

--BAS

MORE FUEL FOR THE FIRE: I had a feeling this guy's web site would be illuminating. Yep! He has ball caps, T shirts and coffee mugs, all bearing the slogan "Islam is of the Devil", for sale. So is his book with the same title.

For whom the bell tolls? Canadians facing yet another election

2011-04-02T04:27:00.004-07:00

AHHHHH, POLITICS. CANADIANS ARE ABOUT TO GO THE POLLS soon for the fifth time since 2000 to elect what will certainly be the fourth minority government in a row. Minority government, as in "there'll be another election within the next 24 to 36 months".

This one will cost an estimated $300 million, up 50 per cent since 10 years ago, but politicians seem to care not a whit about the cost. Politicians have to have a majority government to be comfortable, particularly if they're in the minority that didn't get a majority. In order for a minority government to work, though, one or more of Canada's other four federal parties has to get in bed with the lame-duck party that was elected.

Which leads to some strange bed partners...one of which is a federal party that represents only Quebec and the only platform it espouses is separation from Canada.

There's a solution to this mess which makes a lot of sense. Canadians are tired of paying for elections they don't want, but which the politicians DO want. So why don't the politicians pick up the tab? (Well, I can think of two reasons. Politicians are dumb, but not dumb enough to spend their own hard-earned money on something which makes sense. And the Separatist Bloc Quebecois Party would demand a handout from the Rest Of Canada to cover their portion.)

I include politicians in the long list of people I don't trust and certainly don't like. They're right at the top, by the way, well ahead of bankers and lawyers.

--BAS